Questioning * Part 1


- Hell -

Day 129

The following takes place in my mind. Whenever I’m stuck somewhere I find ordinarily boring doing something equally boring, like enjoying my own thoughts inside a subway train, this idea pops up in my head that Hell must be exactly that ride, but never getting nowhere. Despite being an atheist, if I were to believe in eternal damnation, I’d see it as eternal boredom. Where your soul is bound to be stuck in that mundane allegedly routine trip, but with no final destination, for ALL ETERNITY. With that being said, here goes nothing:

It appears the director wants to do another shot. My God, it must be the 434876th take for this single sequence. Has no one else realized it? It won’t get any better than this. It can’t get any better! Why is this going on again and again? We all want the best possible result for this movie, but what’s he expecting to get out of this endless process?

Wait, everyone else looks so incredibly excited, pumped and always ready to go. Look at their faces. The commitment and passion they’re showing… Am I the only one who’s actually “aware” of time itself here? What the shit is this? It’s like everyone has been programmed exclusively to work on this film and nothing else. As if their lives only matter as long as they’re entirely focused on doing another take, getting things ready for another shot and repeating this same process over and over…

Am I dead? Am I working with an obsessive Stanley Kubrick-wanna-be-times-40 director or is this actual purgatory? Jeebus, there was an afterlife after all, huh? …wait, what the fuck I did to get me here?!?! Being a disbeliever was this outrageous?!?! Or the fact I spent most of my adult life complaining about my “unfortunate” life when I was actually in a position most people on the planet would give their right arms to be; instead of actually doing anything for anyone else? Perhaps ‘Shooting-Hell’ is the perfect place for myself, dude.

Maybe this is one of those ‘Groundhog Day’ situations. Like, if I do my best and I help every single person on location, so we get to film the most beautiful and perfect movie together, I’ll be set free!… Wait, am I honestly thinking I’m trapped inside a movie themed afterlife? Dude, this isn’t a 9 year-old birthday party. Plus, if that was remotely the case, what the shit heaven’s going to be like? Well, your dream was to become a writer, so I’m guessing you’ll have a chance to write for eternity…fuck, that sounds worse than this version here. Now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t think there’s anything I’d actually enjoy doing it forever! Shit, I better focus, director’s about to do another shot.

Day 129, Charlie. I could actually ruin a few thousand takes before going full nice Bill Murray, you know?

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