DAYS I HAVEN’T MET CHARLIE BROOKER

Going Social

Inner Dialogues

- If you shit, I’ll shit -

Day 46

7. INT. DAY. MY HEAD

ME 2

Holy Shit! Who knew there would be this many writers on Twitter…or even in London, for that matter…

ME 1

That’s a lot of relevant people to judge me. I can’t do this…

ME 2

You’re not gonna chicken out on us again like at that party, are you?

ME 1

No, I’ll do it. The computer might somehow protect my shame, right?

ME 2

I bet that’s a common misconception among child-pornography viewers.

ME 1

That’s disturbingly comforting. It’s just not easy selling yourself through your true self…

ME 2

Like a prostitute?

ME 1

Prostitutes get to see their target audience “exposed” as well. That has to be easier.

ME 2

Great, a career to consider if you fail then! But, you know, if want to be read, and I still believe that’s the case here, you better tweet the shit out of yourself.

ME 1

There’s this stomachache embarrassment inside me, that shows up every time I reread something I’ve written. It goes “oh lord, I can’t believe I said that!” You can actually see the fingers being pointed and hear the laughs in your head.

ME 2

Dude, I don’t wanna go all Carpe Diem, believe in you and unicorns and shit on your ass, but there’s no fucking way around it if you want to be, you know, known by those people!

ME 1

It’s not like I want to be a celebrity.

ME 2

Of course you don’t, you want to be a scriptwriter, I know that.

ME 1

Right.

ME 2

But hear me out, and this might blow your mind, to get people who know Charlie’s attention, you gotta get people who know Charlie’s attention!!! Also, fuck them, dude! Just do your thing! It’s your pathetic problem and what you want to do for yourself.

ME 1

I’m doing it either way, but I just can’t silence the stomachache, you know?

ME 2

Hey dude, if you shit, I’ll shit!

…Day 46, Charlie, I’m doing this bitch.