DAYS I HAVEN’T MET CHARLIE BROOKER

Myself

The Outside World

- The Ninja -

Day 156

23. INT. DAY. FOOTBALL COURT

9 year-old me is having a conversation with Cleber, my 10 year-old best friend (He was really mature, unlike me). I remember having this conversation perfectly, but not every single line of dialogue. We were talking and playing with a ball while waiting for our other friends to come, so we could play some football. I had just seen Power Rangers — The Movie for the 8th time after renting it (probably the film I saw the most in my life…man, how can kids watch the same shit over and over is beyond me):

10 year-old ME

It is the best movie I’ve ever seen. You’re really not gonna see it?

CLEBER

I will. I just need to remember asking my mom to rent it.

10 year-old ME

You don’t want to go to my house and watch it? You can ask your mom and you can sleep there. I’ll watch it again and I won’t say anything during it?

CLEBER

I can’t. My mom’s not gonna let me sleep there.

10 year-old ME

Why not?

CLEBER

Because she won’t. I know she won’t.

10 year-old ME

You want me to ask her with you? I can ask my mom to talk to her. C’mon, you have to see the movie!

CLEBER

No, don’t. She’ll…she’ll get mad. I’ll watch it some other day.

10 year-old ME

Alright. You know, I’ve decided I want to be a Power Ranger when I grow up.

CLEBER

A Power Ranger? How?

10 year-old ME

I’ll become an actor. All I have to do then is train every day. Like, I’ll try improving my kicks [I started doing air kicks, no joke, this much I truly remember]. Look! If I train it more, I can kick higher than my head! See. And then, I’ll train the flips and all, but that’s gonna take me longer…like…

After saying that I “simulate” doing a wall run backflip, you know? When a dude runs towards a wall, take a few steps on the wall and then pushes himself back doing a backflip. I used to think that was the most badass move EVER! And seriously, I “trained” that one for a while.

10 year-old ME

You see? I can already take 2 steps on the wall! All I need to do is learn how to do a backflip…ow maybe do one of those kicks, with the flip like…

I try doing a wall-kick. Same idea as before, but you push yourself against the wall doing a turning kick instead of the backflip…I don’t think I would be able to explain that differently in Portuguese, in case that didn’t make any sense. Anyway, I sucked at it.

10 year-old ME

Those are hard. But if I train, I can become the next black ranger. Don’t tell it to anyone, I’m just telling you this.

CLEBER

I won’t. But don’t you need to live in the US to be a Power Ranger? Don’t you need to speak English and live there?

10 year-old ME

I know, but I’m already learning English. After I learn it, I can go and live there. Plus, I want to be an actor in the US, not here. I don’t want to do soap operas. [Seriously, I said that]

CLEBER

Ok.

10 year-old ME

I mean, unless maybe, when I’m big, they make a soap opera called “The Ninja” [Again, I REALLY said that. I remember it perfectly]. If they make a soap called “The Ninja” one day, I’ll stay here.

CLEBER

I don’t think they will do it.

10 year-old ME

Maybe they will! There’s people that like action and fighting, they can make it someday for them in the future…I would be a ninja in a soap opera.

Day 156, Charlie. Shockingly, they didn’t make it.

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