DAYS I HAVEN’T MET CHARLIE BROOKER
The Perks of Having a Paycheck
Inner Thoughts
- Nice Toilet Paper -
Day 120
Boy, was I not born to be a freelancer. I tell you, in weeks such as this one, where I actually have a ‘long-enduring’ job — meaning more than a couple of days, still less than 1 month — I start feeling a lot more cosy than I should, at first, actually postponing really important shit that matters, simply because my head tells me from time to time “it’s all good, dude, you have a job.” That’s not true. And it lasts about 2 days, then I start freaking out because I’m so late on looking for proper work, writing this thing or my specs. I can almost say having a temporary gig jeopardises my routine. Which is hilarious, considering I still need to eat to survive.
I envy the hell out of people I meet on location. So cool about their temporary jobs, full of themselves and sure they’ll get another one before I’m done asking them what they think about doing by the end of the day. “Hey Larry, wanna grab a beer later today?” “Oh, I can’t, dude, I just receive this call so now I have to start editing this long-feature documentary that’s gonna win awards and stuff before coming in tomorrow morning.” “Oh, so you’re an editor too, I thought you were a camera-man?” “Yeah, man. Here, take my card, I’m also a director, producer, tap-dancer, magician and I give birth to children.”
Oh yeah, that’s right, every single freelancer out there, without any exceptions, make the word ‘multi-tasking’ be ashamed it has only one meaning. Dear God, dude, it’s like being lost in a forest and they’re like an enhanced Swiss-army knife with a gun that shoots food, strangers and shelter, while I’m a fucking toothpick. I mean, I can do more than one thing as well — I can breathe and walk at the same time — but most people depending on their skills to survive daily — which should be everyone, by the way — put me to shame. Hard. And I get to convince myself and others, “nah, I just want to write, that’s my focus and therefore why I’m not good in anything else.” Well, if there’s one thing you learn on location is that you’re not “good” at other stuff because you didn’t care. Well, isn’t it always like that?
But despite everything, it’s just damn good to be working again. To have some financial stability for a period of time. All you have to do is not settle. That’s all I’m asking myself. I can easily see myself becoming an Assistant Producer or something who gets tired after he arrives home, so instead of putting more hours into what he truly wants, he just focuses on his main hobby: watching dumb shit on YouTube. There’s nothing wrong with doing that, but you didn’t cross the Atlantic for it. You know what you want.
Maybe that’s the biggest advantage I can get by remaining a freelancer. Maybe the edge will help me never settle, so I can use the Rush as a proper excuse for demanding more from my own self. I mean, I’m doing everything a little late — including this very post — but I’m still focusing on doing it, no matter what. That counts for something, man. You can still be an ass to yourself, but an ass who gets to clean himself with proper toilet paper now!
Day 120, Charlie. No more store brands…at least for now.
