We process our experiences through the words we attach to them: This is good; that is bad. And the meaning we give to these words gives meaning to our daily experience and largely determines our level of happiness.

The power of the words we use to talk to ourselves cannot be understated.

We frame the lens through which we see and experience the world by the words we habitually use to describe and process our experience, in the moment, and during reflection. This is why it is vitally important to be mindful of the words we use to do this framing and processing, and to be honest with ourselves. It is the difference between having a bad day or a challenging day. It is the difference between being stupid or needing practice.

Notice how in the last example, there is honesty about the circumstances, but without disparaging the one who thinks about them.

If I’m stupid, I won’t need to practice because the noun stupid suggests a static state that I can’t grow out of—it’s also an excuse to avoid the work of trying to improve, and a tactic to eschew responsibility. If I need practice, I acknowledge and take responsibility for a lack of skill, while simultaneously acknowledging the work it will take to improve.

We can use our self talk to get from I need practice to I’m practicing, at which point words turn into action. Concerted effort toward a goal is almost always rewarded with improved skill such that—if we’ve been diligent—the next time it comes to self assess, our progress will be apparent. If we want to stop there, we can say, I’m good at (blank). Better yet, if we want to continue to progress, we can continue to say, I’m practicing (blank).

It’s easy to get into a habit of self talk that does not align with our desires. It’s easy to belittle ourselves in a knee-jerk reaction to events that didn’t go how we would have liked, but those moments are the most important ones in which to be mindful of the way we are speaking to ourselves. If life is one way, and we wish it to be different, the way we frame ourselves within that circumstance is crucial, and we do this through our diction during self reflection.

If we want to be seen as beautiful, but fear that we won’t be, or don’t believe that we are, we might tell ourselves we’re ugly in any number of subtle ways regardless of our actual appearance. If we do this, then the message we’re embodying and projecting into the world is not one of beauty, but one of inadequacy, which people will pick-up on and mirror back to us. A reframe, and a change of diction, is in order.

Are you ugly? Or is your concept of beauty shortsighted? Or, or, has the culture of beauty through which you’ve chosen to judge your appearance erroneously left out your kind of beauty? It’s certainly not an easy task to extract ourselves from a socioeconomic milieu that constantly tries to mediate the way we think of ourselves—usually toward the negative—in order to influence our purchasing patterns, but it is one worth practicing and getting good at for the sake of our happiness.

Our self talk and framing of our selves can be much more subtle than the extremes of aesthetics. Do you speak about yourself in terms of who you are, or what you do? Are you a writer, or are you someone who writes? How might the way you frame this statement influence what you conceive is possible for yourself?

Are you always late? Or are you always in the right place at the right time? This simple change in habitual word choice throughout one’s inner dialogue could mean the difference between a long, healthy life of joy or an untimely death from disease due to self-induced, unmanaged stress.

Our vocabulary can be thought of as a boundary in which our minds exist, the words we use most often, determining the color, shape and texture of the space, which in turn largely determines the quality of our experience in the world. So, what headspace/world do you want to live in?

Be careful with your words; the ones you say to others, but most importantly the ones you habitually use to speak to yourself.