Daniel Day-Lewis Cannot Escape Character After Stunning Performance as a Floor Lamp in Manchester by the Sea

Massachusetts— This year, one of Hollywood’s brightest stars is powered by a lightbulb — an old, dusty lightbulb with a not-just-right Boston accent. Method actor Daniel Day-Lewis is garnering Oscar buzz after his performance as a decorative floor lamp in Kenneth Lonergan’s sensational Manchester by the Sea. The showing has been described as “unbelievably convincing,” “his best performance yet,” and “we’re gonna give this guy an award for this?”

“To be totally honest, he had me fooled,” said Matt Damon, a producer of the film. “We all thought it was just a regular floor lamp until on the last day of shooting we heard it say, ‘Hey, guys, it’s me, three-time Academy Award Winner Daniel Day-Lewis.’ We were all pretty startled, I don’t think he was even cast to be in the film.”

“I wasn’t even cast to be in the film,” said Day-Lewis, who was still in character with a floral print lamp shade on his head. “I happened to be in New England when I stumbled onto set. However, for fear of being recognized by fans, I pretended to be a piece of furniture and just really fell in love with the role. I sat there motionless for months.”

Family and friends of the actor have mentioned that he went above and beyond in the portrayal of this unscripted character. Gabriel-Kane Day-Lewis, Daniel’s son, who insists on being addressed by all four of his names at all times, said his father became consumed by the role. “He was obsessed with being Lamp. It’s like I didn’t have a father any longer. He was just a sad, hollow man who smelled of old brass and shrouded his face with a lamp shade.”

Day-Lewis has recently been diagnosed with what is informally known as Michael Douglas Syndrome, a condition used to describe method actors who are unable to escape their characters. The syndrome earned its moniker after it was reported that actor Michael Douglas was trapped in the role he played for HBO’s critically acclaimed original, Behind the Candelabra. To this day, Douglas believes he is Liberace, the famously flamboyant American pianist (pronounced: penist) who has been deceased since 1987.

Doctors working with the actor say they are confident that despite frequently reverting to former characters, like President Abraham Lincoln, Day-Lewis will soon return to his usual self: an Irishman who only speaks in poetic verse. “If he remains as a lamp,” said one doctor, “at least he’ll have perfect posture.”

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