Not Enough in Bed: the Problem with Compromising
I met someone who told me he didn’t like eating pussy because it wasn’t for him. I played along for a little while, enjoying the sex because he was well-endowed and I’ll admit it made up for everything. Then it started to weigh down on me.
Days came when I craved someone ravishing on my pussy. It got under my skin that no matter how many slick comments I made, this guy was not budging. Soon the day came where I had enough. I let him know we couldn’t continue having sex because essentially he was getting more than I was. He said he understood. Cool.
And then he proceeded to still try and see me knowing he wasn’t going to eat me out!
I can’t make this up.
My issue with compromising in bed is we do enough of it with everything else. Sex enhances our happiness. Happiness keeps the stress at bay and clears our skin. We shouldn’t complete puzzles to decide if we’re receiving enough in bed. A lot of times what we enjoy is pushed to the back burner because of someone we like and fear of losing them or hurting their feelings.
Depending on what sexual attribute I wasn’t receiving, my solution was always to move on and find someone else who did what I liked. Conversations about sex were imperative and saved me a lot of time. I rather discuss what I’m into, gauge if it can be given or reciprocated, before I step into bed.
Compensating in bed means making up for something you aren’t providing. If you do not give oral, what are you giving me in bed that will make that okay? It’s almost like a compensation prize: I’m sorry you did not win first, second, or third place, but here’s a gift card for your efforts. So in other words, I’m sorry you don’t eat pussy, but do you have expertise in making me orgasm or squirt without using your mouth? Seriously, why should I keep talking to you.
Bargaining your sexual desires pushes you to the edge of resentment, peeking over the fence for the green pastures.
For better insight on this topic, here’s an example. If you aren’t into cunnilingus, then there is no need to continue. It sounds harsh to men, but it’s true.
Why should I use my mouth on you when the same respect is not going to be given to me? Men practically hyperventilate if they meet a woman who does not suck dick.
Sex is give-and-take. Unfortunately, in 2017 there are still men and women roaming Earth who are not into giving fellatio or cunnilingus. I won’t judge, but it’s odd. Oral is one of many, but the main prerequisite to sex.
Other examples to being dissatisfied in bed may include particular fetishes, rough sex, foreplay, or talking during sex. Foreplay is a big deal. Believe it or not, I’ve heard a few stories of men who don’t offer enough foreplay. This is huge! If your sexual partner isn’t trying to rile you up for sex, then you aren’t really enjoying sex the way you need to. Sometimes we meet someone who offers everything but one thing, and we can tolerate that.
If you do not want to compromise in bed:
- Start up conversation about your sexual wants and desires
- Be honest and upfront about why you enjoy these attributes
- (Optional) Giving a chance to figure out if they are willing to try what you are into
- Leave (this one is easier said than done)
I have actually ended things with someone because he was not sexually satisfying me and I had given one too many chances for him to fix it (I’m sorry if you’re reading this). Sex is important to me (figure out if it is to you) and if I feel its not going to get better, I put my happiness and wants first.
We often get shy about discussing our sexual wants. We’re nervous someone may not accept what we wish or may get turned off by our constructive criticism. If YOU like something done in bed and this person isn’t willing to try it for you, reevaluate who you’re giving your sexual energy to.
Stop being unhappy with your sex partner. Refrain from keeping quiet about what you want from your sex partner. Compromising does nothing but keep you wanting more. Bargaining your sexual desires pushes you to the edge of resentment, peeking over the fence for the green pastures. Negotiating makes you question yourself; why aren’t you getting what you want, why do you have to ask for what you want. Compromising drives you into a black hole of funky shit, and that’s something no one has time for.
We have deal breakers. Figure out yours.
Originally published at dazeinnesstalgia.com on July 14, 2017.