Lesson #1: Always Remember That First Leap Of Faith!
First off, I owe an apology to all of my returning readers. (This post will make a lot more sense if you’ve read the previous one)
In the beginning of my last post, I brought you inside the mind of a dreamer who still hasn’t matured enough to acknowledge reality (and I promise I never will). I gave you an exclusive snapshot of my future self, emphasis on “FUTURE.” That is why I specifically told you not to Google my name yet. But I know a lot of you probably went ahead and did so in an attempt to accredit my authority. You were probably disappointed to see my Instagram account has just under 1100 followers and hasn’t been active since January 14th 2022, which is also the last time I released any new music. You probably noticed it’s been 8 months since my 117 Youtube subscribers were able to watch a new vlog, which had an average of less than 175 views. Most importantly, you probably realized I don’t have a TikTok account… Okay, let me explain.
Long story short: I burnt out. I started focusing solely on the things you pointed out, numbers. It quickly became about money, followers, and the aesthetic that I was living a lifestyle I wasn’t. I lost sight of why I started doing any of this in the first place. So let’s go back to April 18th 2021.
Lesson #1: Always Remember That First Leap Of Faith!
I recently stumbled across this song on shuffle as I was on my way to work and immediately realized why this had to be lesson #1. My first leap of faith was the release of my debut single “Stay Positive.”
“What is going on?” says my mom, in disgust and disbelief as CNN displays a graphic with a total number of COVID related deaths. You wouldn’t imagine a number that high to be associated with such a category, but that just was the reality. We hesitated when the phone rang, in fear that a family member might add to the count. We wore face coverings and gloves in efforts to protect ourselves from the count. We spent months without leaving our homes unless it was for necessities in fear. The present reality was filled with nothing but negativity and I just needed an escape. So I did the only thing I’ve ever known how to, create my own reality.
This is where the story of “DBNAIR MBW” all begins. Prior to this song, I kept my music a secret from the world. It was my safe space. I had no intentions of ever releasing music on streaming platforms for other people to listen to. What changed? A global pandemic.
Like most families, being together all the time was different, to say the least. It took a lot of getting used to. Prior, we were always occupied with our own lives whether it be with work or in my case, away for college. With the increase time spent together, the more routine this scene of my mother became. Sometimes, she would be accompanied by my father or another family member, discussing the unfortunate events on the news. This repeated scene built up my frustrations because of our human inclination to dwell on things we can’t change. I’ll never forget the day when my emotions bested me and I rudely asked “What do you get out of watching this all day?” Without waiting for a reply or the discipline to follow, I stormed out of the kitchen and down to my make shift studio.
I spent the rest of the afternoon with my Presonus Studio bundle from Amazon. Playing around with various synths and snare types, my goal was to translate my frustrations into a piece of music. The instrumentation needed to be simple and full of reverb to give off the impression that the chords are barely progressing. I paired the minimal instrumental with a consistent and “street-like” drum loop that was meant to encourarge dancing. I recorded a few vocal chops to complete the music side of the creative process. Lyrically, I was speaking on my current situation. I put into lyrics what I was constantly telling myself and what I wanted the rest of my family to understand, “stay postiive.”
A few hours later, the song was complete. It was among the first full songs I’ve made since being home from college and I loved it. I played it loud on my studio monitors as I danced around singing along as if it was a new release by my favorite artist. My solo party was interupted by a text from my siblings upstairs. At first, I thought the text would be an order to lower the volume, but it wasn’t. It was my sister informing me that my dad was at the steps listening, and seemed to like the song! I was at first taken back. Not only was I not expecting an audience but because I rarely thought of the idea that maybe others could benefit from creative escapism.
I tested out the possibility of releasing the song publicly by sending it first to a few close friends. The feedback was beyond what I was expecting and I arranged plans to submit my song through distrokid to be released April 13th. When the time came for the song to go public, I remember taking a nap becuase I wasn’t sure of the reaction I was going to receive. But I was truly overwhelmed by all the love and support.
When you are passionate about something, it is a part of you regardless the price tag it might come with. It becomes how you speak and interrupt the world. When you think about the earliest days of your creative journey, you inevitably think back to a more vulnerable and genuine version of yourself. You end up thinking about your inital motives to do the type of work you do. When we think of these moments we are able to revisit the mental space of our younger selves and create from a more authentic state of mind.
This is exactly what this song does for me, years later. It put me back into the mental space of a creator who is using his passions solely to express his current emotions and frustrations and not abusing it to gain attention from others.
So I ask you, what was your inital leap of faith moment?
