The Healing Process
Elleni Conely, CARE Advocate/MSW Intern
Michelle Rosenthal once said, “Trauma creates change you don’t choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose.”
Experiencing power based personal violence (PBPV) can be a traumatic experience. PBPV is an act where power is used to exert control or intimidate, such as sexual assault, domestic/partner violence, family violence, and stalking. While there are many definitions of trauma, SAMHSA (2019) describes trauma as an experience/s that is physically or emotionally harmful or life threatening and has lasting effects on that person’s functioning and well-being. Trauma also has the potential to compound survivors of PBPV’s vulnerabilities causing them to feel overwhelmed or powerless (SAMHSA, 2019).
After a traumatic event, survivors may notice emotional, physical, cognitive, behavioral, and/or social changes (SAMHSA, 2019). They may feel more fearful, angry, or ashamed and some may withdraw from others or have a fear of being alone. Others may notice changes in their physical routine, such as changes in eating or sleep patterns, or changes in sexual behavior. It is also common to experience difficulty concentrating or remembering things. These changes or symptoms of trauma are normal responses to stress and the way our bodies are designed to cope and protect themselves following a traumatic event. There is no right or wrong way to react to trauma and no one person will react the same way.
Western cultures often think of healing as returning someone or something to an undamaged state. However, like all new experiences, trauma shifts people’s perspectives as they incorporate the new lessons learned into what they know about the world. In Japan, there is an artform called Kintsugi through which artists repair broken pottery with a lacquer mixed with precious metals so that the breaks become visible and show the history of the object (Golding & Jones, 2021; Streep, 2019). The new piece is both the self it was before while also transformed by its experience. Like the Kintsugi pieces, survivors have the ability to heal and become resilient.
The choice to heal from experiences of trauma is brave, although it often isn’t pretty or linear. It can be difficult for survivors to process ways in which this experience or these experiences changed them (Golding & Jones, 2021). What once worked as a form of self-care may no longer serve them, be triggering, or even harmful to them now. The process of survivors discovering what works for them can be long, but the choice to prioritize oneself and growth is a beautiful and brave choice.
Healing can look different for many people. It may look like respecting one’s boundaries and the boundaries of others, being mindful of emotions, not blaming oneself for what happened, trusting others, or being honest with oneself about their struggles (Streep, 2019). Even if survivors feel like they’re making no progress, being honest about that is a strength.
Survivors often experience setbacks on their healing journey or return to old ways of coping. For example, a survivor may engage in self-harm after seeing the person who harmed them or feeling triggered or experiencing a flashback. Processing or reflecting on how effective former coping strategies have been can create opportunities to explore new or healthier ways of coping (Streep, 2019). Being gentle with oneself should they experience a challenge in the healing process is always important.
While this is not an exhaustive list by any means, approaches to healing may include activities such as journaling, individual counseling, yoga, meditation, prayer, or support groups (The Great Courses, 2019). Many cultural traditions also include healing rituals for trauma which may be helpful for survivors from those cultural communities (The Great Courses, 2019). Exploring what healing modality works for them and creating a plan can be helpful in supporting a survivor’s process. It may be helpful to discuss this with an advocate or trained mental health professional if they are struggling to implement this into their daily life. Survivors are not alone in this and practicing self-compassion throughout the healing process is vital.
While survivors begin or continue this part of their healing journey, they should remember that it is normal to struggle. Healing might not always be pretty or easy, but the skills and progress they make along the way will allow them to grow more than they can ever imagine.
As Dawn Serra said, “There is no timestamp on trauma. There isn’t a formula that you can insert yourself into to get from horror to healed. Be patient. Take up space. Let your journey be the balm.”
References
Golding, K., & Jones, A. (2021). A tiny spark of hope : Healing childhood trauma in adulthood. ProQuest Ebook Central. https://ebookcentral.proquest.com
The Great Courses. (Director). (2019). Discovering Post-Traumatic Growth [Video file]. The Great Courses. Kanopy.
Streep, P. (2019, August 9). 12 signs of healing from a toxic childhood. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201908/12-signs-healing-toxic-childhood
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2019, August). Trauma and Violence. https://www.samhsa.gov/trauma-violence