To the girl I pushed away,

First it was my choice, but this time it was yours. It started when I decided I didn’t need you anymore, because I was unhappy with myself, unhappy with my life and as a result, I took it out on us — our relationship. Nothing has hurt like losing you, blaming my unhappiness on our relationship and deciding that it was the part of my life that had to change. You stood by me, helped me up when I couldn’t stand on my own and kept me going when I wanted to give up but still I walked away. The months following were unlike any other, I’ve been through break-up and heartache but somewhere along the line I realized this wasn’t that. I knew I did a horrible thing. So, I took a shot and reached out with nothing more than the intention of seeing how you were. It was one of the better nights I’ve had in that span of time but it ended (as i knew it would). It wasn’t until you reached out the next day that I decided, I didn’t want to go back to you but move forward with you and do things right, be the guy I should have been the first time around. We decided to go back to the beginning, go slow and do things the proper way so that we would avoid the many mistakes made the first time. But it was already too late, you had lost any feeling that drew you to me the first time, and though you thought it would come back on its own, after three weeks, it didn’t and you had to call it. I was quiet for the entire 5-minutes it took for you to tell me. I knew I had no right to ask anymore of you. You have given me more opportunities than I ever deserved, when all I should’ve needed was one. I wish things could have been different — things should have been different, I should have realized so much sooner how much you truly meant to me. I was blind, blinded by discontent with myself I couldn’t see I was hurting you. It takes two to fight for a relationship and by the end I couldn’t fight for you the way I should have all along — you were already gone. I had no choice but to watch you walk away and live with the aftermath of my own doing.