On the Benefits of Cutting Your Own Hair
The last couple of times I’ve needed a haircut, I cut it myself.
It’s been an interesting process, and I thought I’d share some of the benefits.
First, it’s worth noting that a good haircut is NOT one of benefits. I cut my hair this morning, and I hope no one looks at the back of my head for awhile. I know I won’t.
Still, there are major benefits to cutting your own hair. A few:
- It’s faster. Takes 5 or 10 minutes. Professional stylists must go slow to make it seem worth more.
- No itchy back. No matter how tight the professionals choke me with that towel, hair always sneaks down my t-shirt. This was actually a form of medieval torture. At home, I just take a shower.
- It costs less. My electric clippers cost $20 at Target, with attachments. The scissors in my kitchen kinda work, too.
But the main reason for cutting my own hair is the Question. Every time I get a haircut, the stylist sits me down, straps me in, and asks, “How would you like your hair cut today?”
I have no idea what to tell them.
I usually try wit to mask my ignorance: “Shorter, please.” I’m sure they’ve never heard that one before. Then I mumble something about not too short on top, which never works btw, they always cut it short on top.
And the questions continue.
- “Straight across or rounded?”
- “Tapered over the ear?”
- “Do you want me to use the thinning shears with the kallamazoo?”
I respond, sagely, “um, okay.”
My first car was a piece of shit 1978 Honda Accord LX with 240k miles on it. I bought it for $700, and spent my senior year of high school keeping it on the road. Now, when a mechanic tells me I need to replace my flange-hinged wingdinger, I know I can save money by just re-hinging the flanges.
I work at a startup, and we’ve learned that hiring expert consultants is a recipe for disaster. You can’t manage what you don’t understand. Now, we always start by doing things ourselves, often poorly. Later, we bring in experts to help us fix our mistakes.
Anyway, you can’t trust an expert to decide what needs to be done. Never ask a surgeon if you need surgery, because the answer will be Yes. Also never ask a mechanic if you need wingdinger.
I don’t know if that applies to haircuts, but it seems like it should. How can I possibly manage a haircutter if I’ve never cut my own hair?
But now I have. Next time my blue-haired stylist asks the Question, I’ll have an intelligent answer.
“Please use a vertical cutting line when overdirecting the layers, or it’ll end up choppy over the ears.”
Tomorrow, when I go get this fixed, they’re going to be so damn impressed.
