Two of them are just leaning on the rail where they can see the view. It’s already dawn, the sky’s still black, but they both know any moment the sun will rise.
“Umiyak ka?” Apollo asked while laughing.
“Oo” Elliot answered, laughing too. “Eh kasi alam mo yung badtrip ka tapos parang ang malas malas mo. Umiyak talaga ako dahil lang walang mogu mogu na lychee”
“Well, may ganon talaga tayong time. Yung parang hindi umaayon sa atin ang lahat” Apollo said without looking at Elliot, eyes in front.
“Pero lumilipas naman tas eventually kapag maaalala mo siya , matatawa ka na lang” Elliot chuckled. “Minsan kasi ang petty lang natin, pero valid naman ang feelings”
“Always valid” Apollo said. After that, silence took over them. Apollo sighed — a heavy sigh that made Elliot look at him with worry in his eyes.
Apollo could feel that stare so he shifted his gaze to Elliot. “Elliot, may sasabihin ako” He started. He knows that this is the time, no turning back. He knows that Elliot would be hurt and he’s ready for the consequences. It felt like he was prepared for the storm that’s about to hit them — the war that will occupy their peaceful relationship.
Elliot looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. “What is it?” He asked. He was ready for it too — that maybe Apollo was tired of their setup, maybe Apollo was tired of understanding him and he finally realizes that he doesn’t deserve him. Elliot was ready that he wanted to be the one to utter those words, because maybe if it comes from him, it will lessen the pain.
“I got an offer from London,” Apollo sighed again. “Remember yung may-ari ng resort? Yung kaibigan ni lola? Last time tumawag siya sa akin para sabihin na yung firm ng anak niya ay in need ng tao at hiring. Since nalaman niya na pasado ako sa pagiging architect and topnotcher pa, tinawagan niya ako para bigyan ng offer para mag-trabaho sa London.” Paliwanag niya, nanatili namang nakikinig sa kanya si Elliot.
“Did you accept the offer?” Elliot asked and seconds after that, Apollo nodded as a response.
“Sorry.” Apollo said, then reached for Elliot’s hands to hold them. “Bakit ka nagsosorry? Malaking offer ‘yon at opportunity ‘yon. Mas malaki ang kikitain mo doon”
“I have to leave you”, sabi ni Apollo. Naramdaman ni Elliot ang sakit ng mga kataga na ito. Kailangan siya iwan nito para sa pangarap.
“Apollo, you don’t have to worry about leaving me.” Elliot said as he refrains himself from crying. “I don’t think ldr is for me, hindi ko kaya.”
“Ha?”
“Apollo ganitong nandito ka pa lang sa Pilipinas halos hindi na tayo magkita, hindi tayo nag-uusap that sometimes I wonder kung mag-wo-work pa ba ito or hanggang kailan na lang ba itong relasyon na ito. Oo, it’s not about the time, hindi natin pinag-aawayan ‘yan but I know how unfair I am being to you.” And with that, Elliot could not help but cry. His eyes began to water and a tear fell down on his cheeks. Apollo immediately placed his hands to wipe those tears.
“I know na nasasaktan na kita pero lagi mo lang sinasabing okay lang at naiintindihan mo ako. You were always there kapag kailangan ko ng masasandalan, kapag kailangan ko tumakas, kapag kailangan ko ng tagapagpakalma at kapag kailangan ko ng tagapag-patahan. Apollo, you were always too good for me.”
“Because you deserve it, Elliot.” Apollo said softly.
“I don’t think kakayanin natin yung ldr, so better kung ititigil na natin ‘to bago pa tayo magkasakitan.” Elliot mumbled, refraining himself from sobbing. “You know how weak my mind is, Apollo. It’s not for me. Let’s just save ourselves for the worst.”
“Ayaw mo man lang lumaban? Let’s try man lang?” Apollo asked, hoping Elliot would change his mind.
“And if it fails?” Elliot shook his head. “No, I can’t afford that. You’re the best that happened to me kaya ayoko na magkasakitan tayo at magalit ako sa’yo. I want to remember you for being the greatest person I have ever met, the one who saved me from my darkest pit, the man who taught me how to love and to appreciate that life may be cruel but it can be happy as long as I am with him, the reason why I am still here, living.”
Elliot started to cry hard as he saw Apollo’s eyes begin to fill with tears, it’s the second time he saw Apollo cry. First because of his grandmother, second is because of him; both are precious to him. He said he was ready but let’s be realistic. No matter how prepared you are for something bad to happen, it will still hurt you. It will still affect you.
“Hindi talaga pwede?” Apollo asked and Elliot shook his head.
“Maybe some things are just not for us, not this time, love.” Elliot placed his hand on Apollo’s cheek.
“Bakit kailangan natin mag-break? Ayoko Elliot, I can decline the offer–”
“Hindi pwede, kapag ginawa mo ‘yan magagalit ako. Huwag mo rin sisihin ang sarili mo kung bakit ititigil na natin ito. Apollo, you don’t know how many times I have thought of breaking up with you”
“Bakit?” Naguguluhan na sabi ni Apollo. “May nagawa ba akong mali noon? Bakit mo naiisip na makipaghiwalay sa akin?”
“Because I have too much on my plate. I am pressured, magulo palagi isip ko and I am slowly becoming a mess again. Med school is too hard for me na kinakain niya na yung buong oras ko. I realize I can’t afford the love, it’s too luxurious. At sa lahat ng bagay na kaya ko bitawan, ikaw ang pinakamadali.” Apollo was stunned by that, he felt hurt but he understood where that was coming from. He knows how frustrated Elliot always is, he knows that he’s having a hard time and even though Elliot was just giving him little time, he never complains because he loves him and understands him. Ayaw niya dumagdag sa mga isipin ni Elliot.
“Apollo, I am sorry.” Elliot said then gently caressed his cheek. “Nasa isip ko na rin ngayon makipag hiwalay because natatakot ako na masaktan kita at hindi ko na kaya pagsabay sabayin lahat. Bigat na bigat na ako, I can’t let go of med school kasi pangarap ko na maging doctor, gusto ko maging doctor.” Elliot said and kept caressing Apollo’s cheek who’s now only staring at him.
“Naiintindihan ko,” Apollo said after a minute of him and Elliot staring at each other with tears on their faces. “I always knew that relationships are a luxury for me too, for someone who’s barely surviving everyday, pero nagawa ko. I still did my best to pursue and love you kasi I realize somehow that love will always be blind. Hindi naman nito makikita kung mayaman o mahirap ang isang tao, it doesn’t have an ability to see but it has an ability to let you feel.”
Apollo then placed his hand on Elliot’s face, “At naiintidihan ko kung bibitawan mo ako. To let go of something is not always negative. It could be something positive. You have your reasons and kung ako yung magiging dahilan para gumaan yung dalahin mo, I will not complain. Kasi mahal kita eh.”
Elliot smiled. The sky begins to turn orange. “Now is not our time, Apollo. I have to chase my dreams and you also need to chase yours but nonetheless for the last time, I love you and you’re my savior.”
Apollo then pulls Elliot for a hug. He places a lot of kisses on top of Elliot’s head, savoring the last moment he could feel him in his arms. They have choices but they can’t be selfish. They chose to follow the path of their dreams and plans — but without each other.
Hindi sa lahat ng oras pipiliin ang pagmamahal.
“Sunrise na” Elliot mumbled, still in Apollo’s embrace.
“Uwi na tayo?”
“Uwi na tayo.”
