My 10-Day Vipassana Retreat Experience
The First Noble Truth is that life is tough,
The Second Noble Truth states that pain has its roots,
The Third Noble Truth states that happiness exists within us,
And when one walks the Noble Eightfold Path, the Fourth Noble Truth will appear.
Day 1–3:
These first few days were the days of settling into a new environment and routine. Unpacked in my simple and humble accomodation, little did I know this space was going to be a safe space for most of my time there. The first few days was focusing on observing my breath and the sensations within the focus point, concentrating on the area encompassing the nasal passages and the space between the nose and upper lip.
This triangle would get smaller and smaller. It was challenging as I have never sit still and focus my mind for extended periods, however, the struggle was mostly on the physical, we were all still looking for a good sitting position and the right amount of pillows for support.
Throughout these early stages, I was filled with doubt and uncertainty about the effectiveness of the technique. Was this method actually going to help me? Does Goenka even know what he’s talking about?
Day 4:
It is the law of nature to arise and pass away.
This marked a significant transition as we were introduced to the actual Vipassana technique. I was in shock — what the hell have I been doing for the last 3 days?
It turned out that the initial practice was called Anapanasati, and I only understood later that the initial days were intended to enhance our ability to concentrate and perceive minute sensory experiences.
We were constantly reminded to practice six key principles while moving our attention throughout our bodies:
Annica: Recognize the ever-changing nature of the sensations we experience. Accepting the present moment: Embrace the sensations as they are, without attempting to alter or influence them.
Objective observation: Examine the sensations impartially, refraining from labeling or categorizing them, and instead focusing on their inherent characteristics.
No craving: When encountering pleasant sensations, avoid developing attachments or cravings towards them.
No aversion: When experiencing unpleasant sensations, refrain from fostering aversion or resistance towards them.
Equanimity: To view every situation, every individual and every state of existence in its true nature, in its true colour; one is able to see things as they really are.
Day 5–6:
These two days presented the most challenging moments of the retreat for me, both physically and mentally. During these days, I was confronted with a flood of memories from my past and childhood, overwhelming sexual thoughts, and intense physical reactions. I had trouble sleeping every night, and I didn’t have a watch with me — I was tossing and turning every night for an hour or 5 hours, I couldn’t even tell. I had lost all concept of time.
Having struggled with anxiety in the past, I found myself grappling with an uncontrollable pounding heartbeat whenever I scanned the region near my heart during meditation. It would follow me around to all the parts of my body and was overpowering, which hindered my practice. During some meditation sessions, the challenges I faced became too overwhelming, I would have to run to my room where I practiced a technique called the “Dhamma Hug,” which my assistant teacher had taught me to help cope.
There was an hour-long sitting session where I became consumed by sexual fantasies, all I could do was walk out of the hall laughing at myself. Surprisingly, this laughter held a profound lesson: by embracing the humor in the situation and letting go of guilt or shame, I experienced a deep understanding of impermanence (annica) and equanimity.
Then you notice that every feeling in our body is always changing, from one moment to the next. We might notice different sensations like tingling, itching, or burning. These feelings can get stronger or weaker, and then go away, but there’s always some feeling there. And you begin to notice that no two feelings are exactly the same — each itch, each pulse, or sweat is different from the one before.
Day 7–8:
After six days of practicing Anapana and Vipassana, I could sometimes experience free flow — a series of sensations that arise and fade rapidly, noticeable only where attention is focused. Moving attention slowly across the body, these sensations shift accordingly, feeling like subtle vibrations.
At some point the distinction between my internal self and the external world began to blur, and I just felt like a continuous flow of consciousness and awareness. However this did not last long, the repetitive nature of the practice — sitting, directing attention, and refocusing when the mind drifted — became monotonous and tested my endurance.
This struggle persisted until the end of the retreat, making it difficult to recapture the sense of oneness I had previously experienced. Now this is where the danger of craving arises, this longing for the oneness I had one experienced.
Day 9–10:
On the final day of the retreat, when we were once again permitted to speak, a significant realization dawned on me:
My biggest mistake was thinking I was going to come out of the retreat feeling ‘zen’ or be so pro at meditating. In actuality, the course humbled me, stripping away my preconceptions and revealing just how much I still had to learn. This profound insight reshaped not only my approach to meditation but also my overall outlook on life, both the extraordinary and the mundane.
This was a very messy and chaotic reflection of my 10-day Vipassana experience, which ultimately mirrors the complex emotions and thoughts I encountered during that time. It is likely that I will revisit this in the future, and rewrite this all over again.
However, I choose to keep it in its raw form for now, as a testament to my initial impressions and the evolving nature of my personal growth.
Thanks for getting to the end of this.
More to come. X
DPC
