Trying To Kill Yourself Is Difficult

You open Google. You start to type “how to …” No. You start again “painless ways to commit suicide”.

The first link is something about why you shouldn’t commit suicide. That’s not what you want. You skip to the next link.

You don’t want to die in a painful way and you don’t want to leave a mess when you die — you’ve caused enough trouble alive. You want a quick and easy death.

Slitting wrists and throat will take too long. Lots of pain and lots of scars. Too much blood. Same with stabbing.

Hanging will take too long. Lack of oxygen will make your lungs burn. Suffocation too.

Hypothermia is an option, but you don’t like the cold.

Jumping over a bridge seems like a good one. You’ll break your neck and every bone in your body. Lots of pain and bleeding before you die. Or you may not die and live in pain with no functionality for the rest of your life.

Jumping in front of a car or train is too public. You don’t want to hurt anyone else or scar some young child for life. There are more than enough scars as it is. You just want to die.

You could use a gun but where would you get one from. You could try electrocution, but how?

Take a lot of pills. How many do you need? What if you don’t die and you get diarrhea or something instead or someone finds you and then they have to pump your stomach. Then everyone knows you’re the crazy one that tried to commit suicide.

Drowning. Too much struggle. No air. Water in your lungs. Too much pain.

There are too many options. You don’t know which one to take. You’re starting to have a headache. You hear someone come in. You close your Google search. You’ll do this another day.

Originally published at Out Of My Head on December 8, 2013.

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