Letter to Self
You were never stupid. You were never dumb. You were never not enough. You were never a two or a three, you were the one. You, are the one.
You are yellow, green, red, orange, and blue. You are color, a variety of colors. Don’t let someone you don’t trust hold a paintbrush for you. Don’t let anyone paint you in black and white, my dear.
Forgive me for all of the times I stood still when I was supposed to move. Forgive me for being stagnant and hindering your growth. Forgive me for letting life just happen instead of making it what you wanted and needed it to be.
Forgive me for chasing boys who looked too much like your father. Forgive me for chasing boys who appeared saccharine on the outside but were bitter from within, I know they almost destroyed your taste buds. Forgive me for trying to compress your heart to fit in the hands of people who were never ready for you.
Forgive me for blocking your blessings. You, are a blessing. My blessing. You are a thousand lifetimes in one. My love, I will not take you for granted. I will do better.
Trust me. I’ll be here when your smile stretches wider than the earth itself. I’ll be here when your tears create tsunamis within you that even the ocean cannot compete with. You are my best friend and I will do anything for you.
I’m still making amends with six year old you, I know she needs me. I won’t disappoint her. In fact, I’m going to become such a great woman that there will no longer be a need to make amends. I will heal you.
So, dear self, I promise to have and to hold you from this day forward. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part. I promise, I will love you.