I was off social media for 3 years. It was AMAZING…and also sucked.

Just before the pandemic, I deleted my Instagram and Facebook.

The first few days were spent in withdrawal. Constantly picking up my phone, aimlessly clicking around the screen, remembering I no longer had socials, and then putting it down (and then repeating this 100X a day!).

But as the days went on, I felt freer, lighter even.

I no longer worried about doing things that were Insta-worthy or feeling like I had to take the perfect photo whenever we went out.

I messaged people instead of just idly viewing their content. I stopped having bitchy conversations about how such and such was posting something stupid or how their relationship was actually on the rocks despite the happy couple photos online.

And best of all, I suddenly had A LOT of hours back every week to do stuff in the ‘real world’.

It was bliss — or so I thought.

Fast forward a few years, and I started to see the consequences of my social media opt-out.

I had fewer friends.

I had less interaction with my family.

I often felt left out of group conversations because everyone else was up to date with each other’s lives by virtue of seeing it online.

I wanted to start a business and had no idea what a carousel or reel was, and had 0 followers to start with.

The problem I failed to comprehend was that social media IS part of the ‘REAL WORLD’ nowadays.

I was longing for a bygone era rather than adapting to the current day situation. It was foolish to expect that everyone would suddenly start calling me or asking to meet up in person, especially once they had fallen out of touch with my life and had no talking points.

Social media wasn’t the problem. My relationship to it was.

Is social media a net positive? Who knows. But it is beside the point because it is here now, so I either learn to use it in a constructive, positive way or accept the consequences.

Now my motto is “Social media is a tool”.

The ongoing challenge is to use social media effectively to expand my social circle and enrich my life, without letting it become a crutch for procrastination, avoiding boredom, and seeking constant entertainment.

Some questions I ask myself to monitor my relationship with social media include:

Am I creating or engaging more than I am consuming?

Am I making posts that are valuable, interesting, or enjoyable?

Am I making an effort to connect with people virtually?

Am I cultivating a motivating, inspiring feed of experts that I would not otherwise have access to?

Am I building a presence so that I can launch a business?

Am I taking time off to allow my brain’s neurotransmitters to recalibrate?

Am I being deliberate with when I use it and when I don’t, so that I am also a present mother, wife, and friend when in people’s physical company?

I am not perfect at this. In fact, I am back at square one. A complete beginner with no followers.

Slowly adding back old friends and acquaintances. Slowly learning what ‘Threads’ is.

But it’s okay. With my old scrolling habits gone and viewing it through my new lens, I am learning to enjoy the process of being online again.

The time off did cost me, but it also allowed me to gain perspective on how I might value and utilize social media as the powerful tool it is.