My Accountability Partner

So it’s 3.51am on the 8th of January 2016. And I need to be accountable. I think I’ve decided I’m going to be accountable to me. I’m an addict. A porn addict. I’m female. I’m in my 20s. I think that’s about all I can do right now. I have diagnosed anxiety and depression. I have to say the word diagnosed otherwise I still think it’s not real. Shows you how much I’m learning. I guess I’m not. Anyway, this isn’t about that. This is about me. Being accountable to something. The somethingness that is the internet. I’m sorry, I’m not a writer. It’s gone 3am. I shouldn’t be doing this but I have to stop. I have to. Because I have cried so many nights wanting it all to just be over. And I think that I need to give life a good go before I can think of all of that. And I need to give myself my best chance. Oh, I’ve tried. I’ve tried many times. I’ve got a calendar. It was supposed to start on New Year. I’ve gone three times since. Three. I mean it’s got to be some kind of record. I don’t particularly like myself for it. But I think my mental health issues got real when the porn started. I don’t know what came first. But at least one I can control. And this one is going to stop. I don’t think anyone is following this, but I am. And I think that’s what matters.