So it’s still the 8th of January
Accountability Day 2. I don’t think I should ever check who’s reading this is would be too strange. So I didn’t have many urges today, that was good. I was really proud of myself for logging out of a link to do with sex because that’s how it started yesterday. I think. So it’s 10pm and the worst of it will have passed, the morning was horrible and a massive blur of brain fog but I took some pictures and slept for ages and had a shower. I don’t know what I’d do without showers. They honestly pretty much about save my life. In a non-dramatic-totally-normal-way. Keeping busy with revision really helped, I’m feeling surprisingly level-headed right now, so maybe it’s good to start informing y’all about my life. By y’all I mean me. So I’m at University. Arguably one of the best universities in the world. See we’re all fucked up. I want to teach. I mean I’ve always wanted to teach I cant remember anything else ever. I also have to keep saying this because if I don’t then I won’t do it. When the depression is bad I don’t want to. When the depression is bad I don’t want to do anything. I can’t even think about it, and that makes me sad because if I don’t have a goal of doing something then I feel like life will just swallow me up. That’s scary so — one day at a time. That has to be the strategy I don’t think I could deal with anything else. God, I started university naive. I’m being blasphemous, I think. I should mention that too, I believe in God. Another thing I don’t know what I’d do without. I’ve had long stages of my life where I’m pretty sure I didn’t believe in anything but I do now and it’s nice. It’s safe and it gives me hope and purpose. And sometimes you need an awful lot of that. I think I’m done now, I have friends to comfort and emails to send. Detaching is hard.