I Left My Boyfriend For A Woman…Three Women Share Their Stories On Why

Heteronormative relationships are well — -the norm. Traditional relationships between a man and woman are what our society has known for centuries. And for the most part, once you deem yourself heterosexual there isn’t any going back. However, Late-blooming lesbians — women who discover same-sex relationships in their 30s and beyond, are becoming more prevalent. Actress Niecey Nash, made headlines last year for marrying the love of her life, Jessica Betts. In their Red Table Talk interview, Nash said that being married to Betts was the best relationship she has ever had. Jessica is Nash’s first same-sex experience. The news of Nash’s same-sex marriage had a lot of people on social media questioning is sexuality fluid? Can your sexual desires change with age? Research suggests yes, sexuality is fluid and it occurs more in women than men because women tend to be more open to change. In a study conducted by Dr. Lisa Diamond, associate professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah, she found that how women identify sexually can change as with age. She studied a group of 79 women over the span of 15 years, the women were broken into categories of straight, lesbian, bisexual, or another category of their own choosing. Over the 15 year time period, roughly 70% of those women changed their sexual identity from the original category.

Are “late-blooming lesbians” just closeted lesbians? Not always. In some cases, women may come out after repressing or hiding their feelings. But oftentimes, women may only have thought of other women as beautiful or attractive, then at some point later in life, like with Nash, actually fall in love with one. What specifically happens “later in life” that cultivates these attractions from something minor to something hugely significant is as unique as the individual. The why varies from person to person, everyone has their own unique story on how they began their journey on Late-blooming lesbianism. I spoke to three millennial women who have taken a page out of Niecy Nash’s book and explored same-gender dating and lesbian relationships. Ashley, a 39-year-old divorcee, revealed that she’s been dating women for 4 years. Asia, a 30-year-old, has been into women for some years now but has been officially in a relationship with a woman for a year now. Lastly, Tajuanna, who is 32 and engaged to her partner of 10 months. Each woman was eager to share their individual experience from transitioning from heterosexual to a same-sex relationship. Here’s what they had to say.

What made you transition from men?

Ashley, 39, Divorced
I always was interested in masculine women. Men stopped satisfying me mentally and spiritually. It felt like I was teaching more than being in a relationship and I was tired of the constant tug and pull of getting on the same page.

Asia, 30, Dating
I transitioned from men because I was tired of all the games men play. All the relationships that I have been in with men, I have been cheated on. No matter how much of a good, caring, loving, romantic, supportive person I was, I could never receive that back from men. I have always been attracted to women since my teenage years. I just knew I couldn’t come out to my family or friends about it. It all started when I met this woman at work and it was clear she was attracted to me as well. I wanted to finally live in my TRUTH & that’s what I did.

Tajuanna, 32, Engaged
What brought about my coming out was finally being able to put a name to the emotions that I felt to people not just cis men. I’m not attracted to a gender. I’m attracted to a person and the gender is secondary at best.

Compared to men what are the pros and cons of being with women

Ashley, 39, Divorced
Compared to men what are the pros and cons of being with women
I think that people are people and there is no comparison between them. I prefer to be with women because we get it. There are some bad women too and manipulative ones.
A woman taught me I was worthy of love and connection without sex, but still gave me all the attention like we were having it, I was worthy of conversation and connection, time is important with women, doing and saying what we are going to do and I love that in comparison to my experience with men. Men’s egos are so fragile at times we are constantly building and reassuring and coddling. My experience with women has allowed me to be exactly who I am without lowering myself to make them feel comfortable. They love it and actually celebrate your successes. It’s more liberating and more free for me. Women are emotional at times, but I haven’t experienced anything more or less than men .

Asia, 30, Dating
Pros of being with a woman have been you get a best female friend and a partner all in one. Women tend to actually care about your pleasure. Commitment is way easier with women. Make you feel confident in your body. No gender roles. Women understand women,Passionate, Romantic, SEX IS WAY BETTER. Some of my cons have been not having a kid that shares both of our genes. Traveling to certain places you can’t because of other people’s views on the lgbtq community.

Tajuanna, 32, Engaged
Compared to being with cis men the pros now are: that there are no expectations of gender norms and who is to do what, it’s a true partnership, I feel that it’s easier to lean on or into each other for support, and toxic masculinity is at a 0. The cons of no longer being with a cis man… still figuring that one out. I don’t intend to make any changes.

Anything else you want to share?

Ashley, 39, Divorced
I find it to be interesting even though I’m in this lifestyle. It’s like I’m finding out more and more about how women think ie masculine representing women . A lot of things they have learned about masculinity are outdated or involve hyper masculine ideologies. Every chance I get I try to explain that it makes you no better if you are doing what toxic men are doing . Your just a toxic as they are . It’s a very interesting concept on what we think masculinity represents.

Asia, 30, Dating
You don’t fall in love with the gender, you fall in love with the person

Tajuanna, 32, Engaged
Opening myself up to loving without restriction was the best thing I could have done for me. My fiance and I had been friends for 5 years prior to us dating. We met in church and both had preconceived notions of each other and remained in the friend zone for years. My coming out was over IG chat (conversation image added) . My fiance was the first person I came out to. After 5 months of dating we got engaged. And it’s possible that by year’s end there will be wedding bells.

At the end of the day love is love. Lean into your truths. Create a love that best suits you. Throw the gender roles out the window. Write your own love story. Your love is between you and your partner, be they your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. The gender of your partner doesn’t really matter. What matters is finding someone who you love completely and entirely that loves you back. It’s never too late to experience true love nor is it too to embrace change and experience a same-sex attraction well into adulthood.