Solitude

What’s so wrong with being alone?

I have been in dire need of a small getaway for a while. Nothing major, just a little reboot time to reflect on life and other such trivialities. Long work schedules, accommodating to the requests and needs of family, and taking care of the day to day issues associated with living a modern lifestyle.

I believe that we all need time to reflect on where we stand in the world, to take that step back and just see exactly what’s happening around us. The rush and hurry of day to day life can often mask from view the ability to critically ascertain whether or not what we’re doing is right for us. Career, location, the company we keep. Is it actually healthy to carry on with what we’re used to for many an extended year, or should we perhaps retreat into solitude occasionally, and assess our personal situation?

For me, and as you may have guessed from my persistent self questioning, the answer is a profound, head-nodding yes.

And so, I find myself seated at the solid desk of a small hotel room, my complimentary cup of tea next to me, after a spontaneous decision made the day prior to get my head straight and “Get the Hell ‘outta Dodge”.

The somewhat unusual getaway I have chosen, is to the popular Staffordshire, amusement park and resort, Alton Towers.

On my own.

I imagine that to most people, the thought of this is both absurd and strange — whats the fun in riding rollercoasters alone? I back this up with the charming and perfectly ‘in character’ remark from my wonderfully to-the-point sister when I told her I was here via text message earlier today:

Me: “I’m at Alton Towers Hotel’

Sis: “Wow, business or pleasure?”

Me: “Pleasure. I got a good deal”

Sis: “What, on your own? LOL”

Me: “Yup!”

Sis: “Really? Loner!!! But hey, you can ride all the single seat queues lol”

Eloquent as ever, I’m sure you will agree. Regardless, the amusing point to note is her reaction. “Really? Loner!!!”

What I’m interested in is why this is the first reaction. As if there are certain activities we absolutely have to do with other people present, and to think otherwise makes you some kind of friendless, anti-social outcast. A bit of a weirdo, perhaps. The reality of the situation is that I’ve had a stonking good day. She was right, I got to use the ‘single rider’ queues, which on an already quiet day like this, meant that I did not wait any longer than five or ten minutes for even the biggest, newest, most popular rides. A truly excellent achievement, and at no extra cost.

I should point out here that I am an avid fan of rollercoasters and themed rides. I’m no lifestyle adrenaline junkie, nor am I scared of heights and whatnot. I find the forced predicament of engaging a fight or flight response upon the body fascinating. Tricking the brain into thinking it is near death or danger so that it spikes adrenal function, all in a safe and controlled environment, alongside planned visual and mental ‘trickery’ based around the theming is wonderfully titillating. I see it somewhat as a physiological reset, a shake up to the system when feeling stagnated — as I have been feeling for a short while now.

So, we’ll call this new experience number one. I’m used to attending these theme parks, but i’ve never attended alone. Let me say that it comes highly recommended. No compromising with others as to where to go and what to do, move at your own pace, eat what, when and where you want — I could go on. This may sound remarkably anti-social, yet it also makes a lot of sense. Why do so many people feel alarmed at being on their own? I can only go from my observations on the world to make such a bold statement, but it’s the impression I get. Don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful, loving group of friends whom I care for dearly. These kind of activities are made for sharing, after all, and sharing them is great. Occasionally, it’s worth venturing out alone though, not fearing the perceived stigmatism of solo adventuring. Why?

It’s indulgent. To wander in silence, to ride exciting ‘coasters and sharing the happy feelings with no-one but yourself — you’re sharing a private moment with the most important person in your life. You. You’re able to get to know yourself more. You drop any acts you put on. You haven’t the need to perform for anyone. Seriously, you even begin to forget the other people, the strangers milling around you. It’s really all about you, enjoying your treat.

Now, this isn’t the very first time I’ve done a ‘sharing’ activity alone. I tend to go to the cinema by myself. This started a long while ago, born out of necessity really, as I had my weekdays free — the same time everyone else is working. When friends were free to go and see films, I was not. So I thought ‘to hell with it, I’ll go on my own’. Again, it’s fabulously indulgent. Sit wherever you want, no-one steals your popcorn and you can use both armrests.

Now, that’s new experience number one. Whats the other, I hear you cry?

This. What you’re reading right now. This is something thats been hatching in my mind for a very long while. Writing, blogging, whatever you want to call it. It’s self expression in its basic form, and I’ve wanted to do it forever. I’ve dabbled and experimented, even got down to outright hating it when it was demanded of me, such as in university assignments and whatnot. This is very, very different though. I have nobody to answer to, no grades to get and no deadlines other than the ones I create myself. This is my future, and something that’s taken a lot of hard work and many reality checks to realise. In my current career, I could end up working myself into an early grave, purely based on the absurd hours and heavy stress. I don’t want that. Its quite simple, I just don’t want it in my life. I have a choice to change my path and this is what feels right, the missing piece of the jigsaw.

How is all this related? Solitude. Writing is a primarily solitary act, I feel. It is by experiencing what we are not used to, that we understand how this ‘new’ thing can fit into our lives. I am very much used to solitude and find it comforting, like a warm blanket. Going away from home, getting a change of scenery by myself for a couple of days is not a major shock to the system in any way. I feel no loneliness, only a vibration of excitement that I am taking a leap to get out of my comfort zone. I am taking steps to control exactly what I want from my life, to guide it where I want it to go. By doing the societally weird thing as going to an amusement park alone, riding rides alone, eating my evening meal alone and genuinely enjoying every step of my solitude out of personal choice is the first step to my own personal freedom. I am not ashamed of my solitude.

This is the start of something huge. This feels right. It’s everything I want. And it starts now.