These Nights
Dear Universe,
It’s been awhile, my friend.
As the spring equinox passes us last Sunday, I re-learn that there will now be longer days and shorter nights. I wrote another piece documenting my nights before, no less inspired again by the poems of a dear friend.
These nights
when all I can think of is my existential dread
that’s been lingering underneath the rug of my soul,
culminating and collecting until it finds a way out
and yet it knows that the way out is easy.
These cold nights
when I clutch my winter blankets tighter
and let them warm me slowly over time
as I try not to reminisce on how your warmth made me feel safe
and how your touch made me feel like I can brace any storm.
These sleepless nights
when my mind bounces
from regret to regret to regret to
all the mistakes I wish I could’ve fixed
and all the changes I wish I knew then
but what’s the point if it’s already past
and what’s the point if I’m making those changes now?
These harrowing nights
when I wake up screaming no
drenched in a hot sweat that I hoped were tears
because then I’d be able to let it all out
but instead I lie there
frozen by insecurity and loneliness
and a yearning for something a lifetime ago.
These restless nights
when I’m too scared to go to sleep
for my worst fears ambush me
at my most vulnerable
preying on the only moments when I let my guard down
and I never let my guard down.
These spring nights
when it’s too warm to fall asleep
so for the first time in months
I open the window
and let the nighttime breeze whisper in
soothing what’s tense and cooling my spirit
and reminding me
of the nights ahead.
