Standing with PRIDE

deathbysuzy
Jul 24, 2017 · 4 min read

I’ve been delighted this year to watch BritWres’ move further and further towards absolute zero tolerance of issues like homophobia which, if we’re honest, have been around for a long time.

People seem to think homophobia is a dirty word. And maybe it is, but in its most general use, it covers everything that makes not-straight people feel ‘othered’; like they’re negatively different based on their sexuality.

Yesterday, as I write this, wrestler and promoter Ryan Smile created quite the shitstorm on social media, with his views on LGBT representation. I picked up on this tweet:

I am a proud, queer woman. Since I found my identity I’ve been wearing it with honour as part of who I am, in exactly the same way as I wear my job, my interests, the fact that I am a mother, a daughter, a granddaughter.

I am not as well studied on LGBT history as many, including the human I am in love with, but I know enough to recognise that the need to keep LGBT beliefs hidden, to bury them underground, came from a time where being not-straight and not-cisgender was not only socially unacceptable across the board, it was illegal, and considered an illness that you could be locked away for.

Nothing that harks back to that time will ever go down well in this community, and I was not alone in being upset and offended by those words. Some patiently attempted to teach, some lashed out. Our attempts to engage fell on the deafest of deaf ears.

“But he meant well. He meant equality,” say those keen to jump to his defense.

Homophobia is a weaponised term. But the words in that tweet definitely imply a ‘them and us’ scenario, that we are ‘other’, somehow.

I can understand that people want equality — for everyone to be treated the same irrespective of their gender, sexuality, race, etc.

I also want world peace. But I’m smart enough to realise me tweeting ‘can’t we all just get along and stop fighting’ is unlikely to have a particularly positive effect. Because the reason that conflict exists, simplified to the extreme, is that people have opposing views and have been unable to come to a resolution.

The reason that LGBT visibility is so important is that it isn’t normalised, yet, in our society. Straight is still “normal” and people are assumed straight until proven otherwise. When I started discussing my sexuality openly, people told me they wouldn’t have guessed by looking at me. I mean… what kind of response is that?

People still look twice at homosexual couples displaying affection in public. Yes, I absolutely agree that they shouldn’t… but that is not the reality of the world that ANY of us live in.

People are attacked and killed for being LGBT, in the UK, in 2017. Stats here — and they’re fucking terrifying.

And then, I saw that the tweet I’d responded to wasn’t the most concerning one of all. Read from the bottom up.

So this is why I don’t get the defense of Ryan’s words (I’m not commenting on him as a human, I don’t know him, I can only judge what I saw him share with the world).

Because whilst he’s ‘calling for equality’, he’s not doing so by criticising those who discriminate against LGBT people; who demonise, and vilify us.

No, he’s doing it by criticising LGBT people for ‘glorifying their sexuality’, in their quest to be ‘normal’.

Excuse me?

Almost every romantic or sexual interaction we see in the media and in society is straight, but WE are glorifying OUR sexuality? By being loud and proud about it?

I’ve assumed that last bit, because — before he locked his account — Ryan didn’t fill us in on exactly what he was criticising about our ‘glorification of gayness’. And full disclosure, this tweet to him now has me blocked.

Apparently my tone was ‘aggressive.’ I’d counter that I was defensive — and rightfully so, given his extraordinary ignorance.

The arrogance of having no experience of something, and yet still feeling qualified to have an opinion, but not be in any way prepared to listen to the points of view of anyone with lived experiences, is simply astounding.

And the ‘woe is me, I am so misunderstood’ line does not wash with me at all. The intent of his words is simply put, not open to interpretation at all.

So let me be equally clear.

I am absolutely fucking normal exactly how I am.

I am gloriously, happily, and proudly bisexual and I will not ever, EVER stop being so.

I am wholeheartedly disappointed with the straight people leaping to his defense. This is not your lane, not your business, and definitely not your life. Back the fuck off.

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