Do You Feel Caught In The Middle?
Have you ever been caught in the middle of a situation and not sure what to do? A situation that involves two parties and you feel as though your loyalty is being tested, you don’t know what to do and you feel trapped?
A bit like the song Trapped ( an oldie some of you may not remember) by Colonel Abrams.
You see I’m trapped
Like a fool I’m in a cage
I can’t get out
You see I’m trapped
Can’t you see I’m so confused?
I can’t get out
When tangled webs are weaved.
Let’s look at a particular scenario, imagine a friend calls you to tell you of a decision they are making and they do not want you to share it with anyone. So you don’t. It gets awkward because you know that friend is deceiving others with hiding the decision and you have to see the others they are deceiving which makes you uncomfortable so you find yourself making excuses not to see these people, playing right into the hands of your friends game of deceit.
The deceit weaves a tangled web of untruths and excuses and eventually leads to confrontation between the friend and the ones being deceived and the friend who asked you to keep the secret has their integrity bought into question. This leaves them feeling ashamed about their behaviour, so to justify their mistake they call you to tell you about how wronged they feel and how badly they have been treated.
That friend is now deceiving you by not telling you the whole truth, that their deceit led to the confrontation and their inability to see the error in their behaviour has led to them trying to validate their behaviours creating a deeper web of untruth.
This friend now expects you to stay on side and be a loyal friend at the risk of your own integrity being questioned. Your own confusion between loyalty, people pleasing, seeking approval and your need to defend others when they are being wronged are now misaligned as your friend has become a manipulator of the truth and a manipulator of your emotions.
How do you deal with this messy situation?
Firstly step out of the situation and take a good look in at the behaviours displayed and ask your higher self to do some internal questioning. Your higher self knows the truth.
In this scenario you have heard more from one party involved and if you are honest with your higher self it is ugly, as much as they try and pretend and paint a pretty picture, a happy ending, they have glibly brushed over the destruction they left behind in the wake of their discourteous behaviour. The reality is you will only hear from one side as the other side is acting from a place of integrity. Remind yourself their are two sides to every story.
Secondly admit to yourself you know that you could be being sucked in to a situation because of your own weaknesses or judgements.
In this scenario the ‘how wronged we have been’ friend has handled the situation wrong. Steal a look at this friends current behaviour they will be trying to prove their point, what they are saying, how they are acting, the things they are doing, it will all be super positive, as thick as cement to cover over the cracks that are appearing.
Thirdly deep down you know courage is required and that for your life to move forward you have to move on. You have to be vulnerable and turn to someone you know you can really trust as a solid sounding board.
In this scenario you want to move away from manipulating behaviours. It’s a behaviour you have recognised in many, as one that you want to separate yourself from but some part of you feels a loyalty. It’s false loyalty created by the manipulators. It’s part of their mind games. It is time to step away and put yourself first.
Fourth in order to receive what you are seeking you need to clear away the obstructions and often in our life obstructions come in many forms. Our circle of influence is crucial to our well being and fruitful journey to a fulfilled life.
In this scenario if you continue to surround yourself with people who are willing to ask you to keep secrets for the wrong reasons, are encouraging you to do what they do to validate their behaviour and decisions and are prepared to ask you to compromise your own integrity, then the consequences will leave you losing out on the rewards of life, as these come as a result of our actions.
You reap what you sow.
Sow good seeds, you deserve the best, you are not alone and there are people out there who know what you are going through turn to them. These people are the kind of people your friend will try and keep you from as they don’t want you to go further in life than they are.
Don’t be held back.
Now is your time don’t stop the flow of His supply by supporting others incongruent behaviour and violate your own moral code as a result. It is time to let go of what does not serve you and let His supply flow in your life.
The doors of opportunity are opened when we do what is right not what is comfortable.
Read Matthew 7:7 NIV