n How to Know If You’re Heading in the “Right” Direction
When you’re playing around with a big decision in life, it can be completely exhausting. You spin your wheels. You lose sleep. Anxiety consumes you. You spend days tossing around all the reasons for going left and then counter those thoughts with reasons for going right. And, at the end of the day — you’re no closer to a decision.
I noticed it coming up again this week as I was trying to make a huge career decision. I’ve never been one to make decisions easily and a few years ago something like this would have consumed me, wondering if by making a move was heading in the right direction…or down a path of regret.
But somewhere along the way, I learned a few ways to get to the core of what any indecision is really all about, and with that, I have learned to trust the direction of my soul.
To know if you’re heading in the right direction — you really only need to know three things:
- What your head is telling you
- What your heart is telling you and
- What the reason is for any disagreement between the two.
WHAT YOUR HEAD IS TELLING YOU. There is plenty of wisdom out there giving us decision-making exercises like writing a pros and cons list — but for the most part, those are head-based exercises. It may be a logical way to evaluate what’s right in front of you, but it’s quite likely that your head is a big part of why you’re in indecision in the first place. So, look at the list for what it is, a logical, head-based, ego-directed reason to choose a direction.
WHAT YOUR HEART IS TELLING YOU. You’ll only learn this by eliminating the distractions around you. Meditation works wonders. But you can also discover what your heart’s calling by removing (conceptually) the people you care most about. Who’s around you that is subconsciously or overtly affecting your decision? Your spouse, your kids, your bff? Even if you haven’t discussed the situation with them verbally, most of us spend a lot of time thinking about how they’ll react. What if for the sake of listening to your heart, you could take them out of the picture? Ask yourself, “If these people didn’t exist in my life right now — what would my decision be?”
WHAT IS THE REASON FOR THE DIFFERENCE. When we can see that our head is saying go left but our heart is pulling to the right — it’s important to take a guess as to why. Why? Because when we can see what’s really at the core of any indecision (caring about what someone thinks, feeling like we might fail, wondering if we have what it takes etc.) we can ask ourselves another (deeper) question. Do we want to grow or do we want to stay comfortable? There’s a huge discomfort in going against social norms, putting ourselves out there in any way, or looking bad in front of those we care about. When we can see that, we’re one step closer to making a choice to grow — or not.
To grow, we have to lean into the discomfort. Is there uncertainty? Yes. Could a negative outcome happen? Yes. Do you have the potential to fall flat on your face? Yes.
But fearing uncertainty is not a reason not to try.
Unless of course, you want to.
The choice is always yours. You just have to be conscious of the real choice you’re making.