The Beginning of the End

I can remember the first time I thought about going to college. At the time, I was 10 years old and I was watching my older cousin go to university in Boston. We helped her pick out decorations for her dorm and pack for her trip, and I dreamt of the day when that would be me.

Fast forward a few years, and I am now only a few short months away from my senior year of high school. Last night, I watched my boyfriend and a lot of friends graduate. All night, I kept hearing the same thing: “Only one more year!” And I know they said it with excitement, but I am not excited. I realized last night that I am slowly entering the beginning of the end. There are about to be a lot of lasts in my life. Last summer of high school. Last first day of high school. Everything is ending. All of these things that I once took for granted, gone. It’s almost the end for me. And I can’t believe it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still in love with the idea of college. Going to a place full of like minded people and girls who like to experiment when they’re drunk (kidding) (maybe). But the actuality of college requires things that I had never given much thought to before; leaving the ones I love, having to travel huge distances to see my family, having to change relationships in order to adapt to the distance. But change is good. I don’t have to leave my friendships behind when I go, because relationships evolve. I don’t believe I will never forget the memories I made living in Fort Myers, and years from now when I take my kids to Florida I will drive them around the places I used to go and show them where I went to school, and laugh about how I once thought that every little dramatic incident was the end of the world when I was in high school. Even thinking about the idea of that terrifies me. I can’t even make popcorn without burning it, how am I supposed to take care of a child?

I guess these are normal thoughts for an almost 18 year old. Everything is happening all at once, but I suppose that’s better than when I was 10 years old dreaming of something that was so far beyond my reach that I was laughed at for thinking of it so soon.

All I can say is that I cannot think of a better group of people to be entering into the Beginning of the End with.

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