You are inside, sun is gleaming through your window. Its 29 degrees outside and you are still… inside. You look at the list of tasks you’ve previously envisioned to finish in the day. We need to be “productive”, “efficient”. Sure, you have spent last night over-planning how you are going to successfully tick these off, not really enjoying each one of them. Instead, you rush through, because THAT IS what you’re meant to complete. You are a winner if you are able to stick to your routine. Its that word again that rumbles through my mind.. but what was it? ah, si, disciplina.
My father always tells me discipline is the only way to success. I am guilty to have “un rocoto en el poto”, an expression that loosely translates to having a pepper up ones… and another way to say that I want to be everywhere, and do everything at the same time.
But I can’t help that I am THIRSTY. Thirsty for life, thirsty for people — thirsty for feeling the world in my feet. There’s no other reason why I’ve traveled so far to live in a place I hadn’t been.. not once. Truth is, I want to make stories out of my life like the ones I’ve seen in movies. I want discomfort, I want it to tear my strongest assets apart, see where that takes me. I want to wake up every day with the feeling that it might be the best day of my life.. *or at least pretty shitty and anecdotical*
Its things I feel when I bike across the yellow road at 1 am, it’s what I feel when I’m standing in the roof between Kralingen and the city, and its the same feeling I get when I take a photo. It’s a feeling of belonging where you wouldn’t. The same feeling I get when I have nothing planned, when I’m lost. Where the f*** am I?
Truth is, we need to zoom out to go out more often. I am the first to blame for over-stressing about menial problems that flood my home-screen as soon as I scroll through my inbox each morning. Messages about city taxes (Geeminte Belastingen), housing payments (Huur en woonlasten), that overdue theory paper (vaaktheory opstel) — all taking up mental space and energy. But I wish I was willing to quit my screen time in order to be connected to every second of what surrounds me as soon as I wake up…
People here have a different clock.
They write between the lines of lists and find moments for things like love, people, leisure? Its like they improvise and live according to the day. Sure It’s laid back. But it’s purposeful, and I find it beautiful.
As for where I come from? It’s like we’re stuck in other peoples race. We’re following set sings all the time, tallying checkpoints, when all we have to do is take a bike ride home.
After all, Ik ben blij als ik fiets ;)