Of shoes and endings that fit

How would you define ‘perfect’ if I asked you to? And what would you say is your idea of a perfect ending? Wait, before you answer think about why the ending that you think would be perfect is perfect? Have you experienced it yet and has it made you happy and blissful or have you simply seen other people own something (things or experiences) similar and think that possessing it would make you happy too? Or is it simply a matter of what the world has fed you so far — that to be happy you must have a gorgeous and loving husband and x number of kids? That to be happy you must be a hotshot entrepreneur or the CEO of a company so you can afford expensive vacations to Italy or France. That to be happy people around you must accept, love and appreciate who you are. That to be happy you should be a certain size so you can attract a dozen girls/guys wherever you go. That to be happy you must meet xxx criteria which by the way will keep changing so you will constantly be playing catch-up. Coming back to my question again, what do you think would be a perfect life for you?

I happen to believe that we have been brainwashed (whether it’s done intentionally or not is besides the point) by society including our ignorant parents, friends and well-wishers into believing so many ideas of what is required to be happy that we constantly chase these lottery tickets without little knowledge of whether they fit into our life or not.

No one size fits all and that is something we all understand well when it comes to buying clothes or shoes then what happens with something much bigger and permanent such as life? Why don’t we look around openly and try different options before deciding on what is it that we wish to spend our time chasing? Why do we instead get obsessed with ideas marketed to us over our lifetime by those around us without testing them out for ourselves? We even notice so many people around us who are unhappy and deeply unsatisfied with their own lives which they are living by the rule-book of happiness handed down to them by the society we live in yet we buy into the ‘wisdom’ they try to pass on to us. How is this rational or sensible at all? Ever thought about it?

There is something that our society gives an immense amount of importance to- companionship/marriage/spending your life with someone, call it what you may like. And we have bought into this idea and are so invested in it that we often choose not to experience the beauty of being alone.

Being alone is considered synonymous to being lonely which is perhaps why people encourage us to find a partner in many beguiling ways. This is such a sad reality because being alone and being lonely are two extremely different things that have little in common. One could be married to the perfect man/woman or be surrounded by people one loves and yet be so lonely. Paradoxically one could have no one in one’s life to count on or to call one’s own and yet be brimming with the joy of life.

In my opinion being at peace with oneself and life when one is alone is a prerequisite to being happy with someone else. Somebody else cannot be a constant source of happiness for us, true and eternal happiness stems from within irrespective of the circumstances and people outside. Burdening someone else with the responsibility to make us happy is unfair to both them and ourselves. Which one would you rather choose- getting the ending this world has labelled as perfect or finding your own happy ending? In other words, would you choose chocolate because everybody raves about it even if you prefer vanilla? Sometimes ice-cream drives home a point that big words fail to do! ;)

Solitude is a wonderful thing to experience. It is absolutely enriching, fulfilling and rejuvenating (if you are or want to be at peace with yourself). We spend a large part of our lives being tied to things, careers, relationships, responsibilities etc. There are very rare times when we can experience complete freedom of choice and indulge ourselves to live life a hundred percent according to our needs and desires walking into the dark or the light to explore life and its mysteries for purely ourselves. When we can take out the time to falter and taste dust without anybody’s expectations weighing us down. When we can feel free to try several different paths and change our mind without the burden of people’s judgments. When we can be stupid and slow as we figure out one day at a time what it is that truly makes us happy, what it is that we truly cannot do without and what it is that life wants from us.

These are questions that can only be answered when there is silence and a genuine curiosity instead of fear, anxiety, and stress driving us. It is harder to answer them when one’s surrounded by chaos and people. When you’re the only one in the boat the ocean is yours but when there’s somebody accompanying you, you might end up with as little as just one direction to row your boat in.

So choose yourself first. By that I mean spend time alone getting to know who you are, what your needs are, what do you want from this life, what is it that has given you happiness so far, where do you want to go before you jump into the boat with somebody else. Once you are in the boat with someone else headed for a destination it becomes difficult to change your direction or to convince your soul to find happiness in the present if that is not where you want to go. It is wiser to take your time and take as much of it as you need (the world’s opinions be damned) to figure out whether you want to go north or south and if you would like to go there alone or with someone else.

Remember, true courage is discovering and accepting who you truly are or want to be even if it is the opposite of what this world tells you to be. True courage is accepting yourself with all your flaws and building on them as if they were your strengths even if the world labels them as weaknesses. True courage is accepting that the path meant for most others may not be the one that would make you happy and that your happiness is more important than acceptance received from the world for who you are. True courage is marching on in the direction that is right for you even when you are the only one walking that path and fear seems to be your only partner-in-crime.

I am not at all saying that being single or being alone is better than being with someone else. I am simply saying that neither of the two can be termed as a better choice or one that is right for everybody. Which one fits which person is for us to figure out. Being in love or having the privilege to spend one’s life with a person who encourages and supports us is absolutely wonderful and can be a blessing just like having the freedom to live life on one’s own terms without worrying about anyone else. Choose the ending that is perfect for you and not one this world labels as perfect. Do not be fooled by wisdom of the society you live in for one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. What the world might label as wise might be anything but the right choice for you. Choose yourself and let the world worry for itself.

Be like the star that shines on dark cloudy nights without a care in the world whether it is surrounded by a million stars or none because others can neither belittle nor enhance its light. Believe in your light and the herd will follow.

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