A City Council Ban About Nothing
As I searched through some old files today, I came across the sketch below. I wrote it in March 2007, a few days after the New York City Council banned the use of the “n-word.” I don’t recall my specific motivations for writing this sketch, but I must have read about the ban, and, being a “Seinfeld” fan, I guess I was inspired. And it seems that actor Michael Richards’ racist tirade directed at a heckler the year before was also fresh on my mind.
I’m struck by several things, including the observation that in 2007, white people weren’t (to my knowledge, anyway) publicly using the n-word in casual conversation to the degree that it’s happening now. And here we are, nearly a decade later, still not having the national conversation about racism that needs to be had.
***
Scene: The living room of a bachelor pad — a decent size by New York City standards, no frills, but tidy. The living room adjoins the kitchen. The owner of the apartment, a thin, neat, clean-shaven man stands at the kitchen counter eating a bowl of Cap’N Crunch cereal. He is talking to two friends who are in the living room — an overweight, balding, bespectacled guy, and a petite woman with wavy dreadlocks. The woman is sitting on the couch with her feet up on the coffee table, holding a laptop. The guy sits on the arm of the sofa.
Erykah (reading from computer screen): It says here the New York City Council has banned the use of the n-word.
Gerald (perched on the arm of the sofa): Good luck with that. What are they going to do? Wash people’s mouths out with soap?
Jamal (between bites of cereal): I heard it’s just a symbolic thing. No penalty.
Erykah: Right. (reading from screen) The supporters of this ban are also asking BET to stop using the word in their TV shows, and they’re asking the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences not to nominate artists for Grammy awards if their lyrics include the n-word.
Gerald: Oh, you and CNN kill me with this (with mocking tone and finger quotes) “n-word” business. White people aren’t abbreviating behind closed doors. When Michael Richards called those hecklers “niggers,” he was just saying publicly what white people say privately all the time.
Jamal: Forget white people. We say it too. How can we get mad at white people for saying the word, when black folks say it left and right?
Erykah: Come to think of it, when was the last time you heard a white person say it?
Gerald (waving away Erykah’s question): It’s different when we use it. Context, my sistah, context. You see, nigger is a racial epithet. You know: Bull Connor, dogs, hoses, yadda-yadda-yadda. But nig-ga…is a term of endearment or affection. As in: “Yo, my nigga!” Or admiration: “That nigga Jamal is the coolest mofo — “
Jamal (frowning and waving his arms): Alright, already!
Gerald: Man, look at you! One little word shouldn’t have the power to yank your chain like that.
Erykah: That little word has an ugly history.
Gerald: Which is why I we need to reclaim it! Take it back! It’s part of our cultural heritage. Our slang, our music, our comedy. Back in the day, we used to quote whole riffs from Eddie Murphy’s Raw and Delirious concerts. Half those jokes would have fallen flat without the word “nigger.” Or Chris Rock’s unforgettable “niggers vs. black people” routine. C’mon! We all laughed at that one…
Erykah and Jamal are unconvinced.
Gerald: Okay, okay, okay…imagine…Richard Pryor!..without the word “nigger.” We wouldn’t have classic comedy albums like That Nigger’s Crazy and Bicentennial Nigger. Pryor was our, our… (jumps to his feet) our crown prince of comedy, baby!
Erykah: Gerald, at the height of Richard Pryor’s career, he went to Africa, and came back to the States vowing never to use the n-word in his stand-up routine again.
Before Gerald can respond, Kadeem throws the front door open and stumbles into the apartment. Dreadlocks flying in every directions crown his animated face.
Kadeem: What’s up, my niggas!?
Cue laugh track. Jamal and Erykah groan. Gerald beams.
Gerald (triumphant): Funny you should say that!
Jamal: Not funny you should say that.
Kadeem (looking around, confused): What? What’d I say?
Erykah: The n-word.
Kadeem: The what?
Gerald: Nigger! Nig-ga! (pretends to mix and scratch a record like a DJ) Ni-ni-nig-NIGGA!
Jamal: Can you stop with that?
Erykah (to Kadeem): The City Council has declared a moratorium on use of the n-word. But Gerald thinks we should reclaim the word, use it and dilute it until it is freed from the stigma of its racist origins and no longer has any power. Sort of like the way some women call each other “bitches” nowadays…
Gerald (pointing his finger at Erykah): I’m telling you, you bitches have the right idea!
Erykah (gives Gerald the middle finger): …and the way some people now embrace “queer.”
Jamal: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
The others look at Jamal, perplexed.
Jamal (shrugs and throws up his hands): Sorry. Old habits die hard…(sighs) I don’t know…“We’re here…we’re niggers”? It just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Kadeem: Okay, okay, I got one. How about…“Not your slave master’s nigger anymore”?
The others reject this suggestion with groans and eye rolls. Jamal puts his cereal bowl in the sink. Erykah starts shutting down her laptop. Gerald paces around the room, excited.
Gerald: Mark my word. New York City Council be-damned, there is a movement a-foot in this country! We’re going to take back “nigger”!
Jamal (in a nasal, shrill voice): I don’t want it back! I don’t want it back!
Erykah: You guys…it’s not about that word! It’s about racism, and the fact that we’re only having a poor excuse for a national conversation about racism because some out-of-work comedian went on a tirade months ago. Next week, Paris Hilton will get a Pap smear, and everyone will forget all about the n-word and racism.
The guys all mumble and nod their agreement, Gerald reluctantly so.
Gerald: (claps hand and points at the door) Monk’s?
Jamal: I’m right behind you.
Erykah slings her computer bag over her shoulder.
Kadeem: Giddyup!
Exeunt.
