My dearest,

I hope this finds you well.

I know that I have already said goodbye, but there is so much left to say that I feel like I’m going to explode if I just don’t put it out there.

First of all, I want to apologize, for I know that the decision I had to make was extremely selfish. Having in mind it will somehow also affect you, I am sorry your wishes and opinions didn’t count and if in any way this might have upset you.

Secondly, I want you to know I don’t hate or resent you at all. I don’t regret having met you. I don’t hope you die or that you never get an erection again (yeah, that is sometimes what we, girls, wish to our “exes”). I don’t. Au contraire, I wish you all the greatest things in the world.

Please understand that I am leaving, not because I dislike you, but exactly because I adore you too much to stay any longer. All my declarations, my comments and compliments were truthful to what I really think and feel about you. You are incredible, amazing and much stronger and capable than you believe you are. This is cliché, but I wish that, even if just for a few moments, you could see yourself through my eyes so you could realize the awesomeness and potential inside of you and so you could truly believe in yourself and your greatness.

To some, it may seem like a childish decision, the reaction of a spoilt kid who doesn’t get the toy he asked for, but it is actually an act of maturity, of self-love, of survival. Don’t get me wrong, this is not passion, I am not in love or infatuated. It is also not a question of possession: I don’t need you to be mine, to own you and I don’t think that if I can’t have you, no one else can. That could not be any further from the truth.

The truth is that I am not able to define what I feel for you simply because I have never felt this way before. I just know it is real, it is strong, and it is more powerful than anything I have ever experienced. It is as if our souls are somehow connected, like there is a magnetic field that draws us together, a gravitational force that attracts me to you. I know this may probably sound crazy, but it is the best I can do to try to explain it.

We have SO much in common that it sometimes freaks me out. There is no rational explanation that justifies so many similarities. Meeting and getting to know you well was one of the best things that happened to me in a long time. You made me feel like home, comfortable, understood. It was just right, like we belonged together. When we held each other, when you hugged me, it felt like the world around us did not matter, like it was just the two of us, and I never wanted to let go.

Having said that, you can imagine how my decision to back off and leave was extremely difficult to make. I cried for two consecutive days and you know how rarely I cry or allow myself to get emotional. And I am aware that it is going to be incredibly hard to move on, to not have you around, to want to share something with you and not be able to, to constantly see things that remind me of you and not show it to you….. but I cannot stay. It will hurt too much.

Maybe someday our paths will cross again, maybe we will meet in another moment of our lives, maybe timing won’t be a bitch then, maybe…

As I do not know what future holds or if we will ever meet again, I would like to tell you some things:

• Don’t ever doubt yourself. You are capable of achieving pretty much anything you set your mind on doing. You can draw your own stories, publish your books, become a successful scriptwriter. Dream big!
• Don’t settle for OK. Aim for the amazing, for the awesome.
• Depression is a disease and it can be controlled. I know you have learned to live with it and you think you are fine, but I guarantee life can be so much better if you allow yourself to get some professional help. This is not a sign of weakness.
• Don’t let fear get in the way of your happiness, whatever may “happiness” mean to you. Let yourself love and be loved, have fun, listen to your instincts, allow yourself to be free.
• Stop letting people treat you like crap or like you don’t matter.
• You are worthy of love. You are lovable. You are capable of love.
• I know you like being alone and you have learned how to live alone, but know that you do not have to be alone.

I truly wish that you have an amazing life, filled with success, laughter and love.

Although I may be gone, there is a part of me that will always be with you.

Wish I could hug you one last time.

Lots of love,

Denise