Always and Never

Deidre Woollard
Aug 26, 2017 · 2 min read

I’m writing fiction again. Slowly. It’s like remembering old dance moves, my limbs are creaky and unsteady. Everything feels awkward and yet, I’m eager to make my way back to the tribe of writers even if I feel that I don’t belong.

My characters are thinking in absolutes, I’m going back through and crossing out always and never. They are useless words, as unimaginative as really and very. It’s sloppy writing but it’s also sloppy living.

In arguments, they say, you are not supposed to say always and never. They are fighting words, defining the other person’s behavior in terms that are likely inaccurate and quick to incite more rage and less discussion.

How long have I been defining my own behavior in these terms, short-changing my flexibility by setting up boundaries where none should exist?

They are my mother’s words, used to scold and correct, words setting up firm fences against possibility. You can’t argue with always and never. They are implacable. I’ve worn the always and nevers she gave me for years, seeing myself through their warped vision of what I was capable of. These are thing things you learn as you age, that the blank slate remains, that the magic happens in the exceptions.

For the characters, it’s easy to tease out the why behind the always statement. Underneath the always lives a deep belief system, underneath the never an assertion of identity.

My Libra self hates choosing sides, picking one thing and sticking with it. I’m far too eager to argue the opposite side or push toward the middle. Right now that seems less possible. Always and Never are more tempting than ever.

Our dividing lines are deep with these distinctions. History proves that the truth treads the middle ground. No one side of our current political system has existed in a state of perpetual moral rectitude but to cross out the always and nevers is to admit that your choices are not sacrosanct and theirs are not entirely wrong, to admit there is room in between. I’m struggling with this right now. It’s hard to be open if the other side is closed.

We say never forget, we say always remember, as if either of these concepts held the truth. The span of time is long, complicated, and beyond our ken. So to then, are always and never, words we use to mean what we cannot truly know, as meaninglessly vast as perfection.

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Deidre Woollard

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History nerd, weirdo, introvert with a love of lore. Always busy reading all the things.