Enough is Enough: Stop It with the Instagram Boomerangs

When Instagram announced that they were adding a “stories” component to their app, very much like the stories feature that Snapchat originally pioneered, I was curious to see how they’d go about it. Both Instagram and Snapchat are hands down the two most popular photo/video-based social medias with the exact same target users, but I thought for sure that Instagram stories would have a hard time competing with Snapchat simply because Snapchat was so far ahead in the game. Snapstories had been a thing for at least a year and a half before Instagram came out with their own copycat version of stories, and snapstories were already so wildly popular that I really didn’t think anyone would feel inclined to start using Instagram’s platform.

With that in mind, it makes perfect sense that Instagram came out with the Boomerang feature on their stories. They needed a way to differentiate themselves from the competition, and as it’s turned out, the Boomerang feature has been pretty effective in doing just that. Instagram stories are now just as, if not more popular than snapstories, and I think Boomerang has a lot to do with that.

If you’ve been living under a rock for the past year or you just don’t use Instagram, Boomerangs are gifs that play themselves forwards and then back again in reverse — just like an actual boomerang. It’s a fun little gimmick that Instagram came up with, and I think a big reason why they became so popular is this weirdly mesmerizing quality about them. Every single time I see a Boomerang on an Instagram story I always, always end up watching it for at least 30 seconds, which is a pretty damn long time to be staring at a gif. There’s just something about them that makes it so hard to look away. Like bright lights for a mosquito or headlights for a deer, Boomerangs are flat out hypnotizing. Here are a couple of my favorites.

Yes, they are all of Emily Ratajkowski and yes, they are all focused on her scalding hot body, but my point stands. Tell me you didn’t stare at each of those videos with your mouth wide open, drooling all over yourself like an idiot for at least 30 seconds — you can’t.

When done correctly, Boomerangs are truly a beautiful thing. They’re an art form passed down to mankind by the social media gods. But the problem though, is that 9 times out of 10 the Boomerang feature is seriously abused. They became so popular so quickly that everyone wanted to hop aboard the hype train. And I mean everyone.

You can’t scroll through your Instagram feed or go through your stories without seeing at least 10 painfully stupid Boomerangs. To protect the lives of all the innocent white girls out there, I won’t directly put any of their Boomerangs on blast, but I’ll describe them here in depth to give you a picture of just how fucking stupid some of them are.

Without further ado, here are the WOAT Boomerang posts that you’ll see on your feed on a daily basis.

1. The Cheers Boomerang. It’s exactly what it sounds like: a bunch of idiots clinking their overpriced cocktails together on repeat. Basic and fucking stupid.
2. The Zoom-In Food Boomerang. This one sucks because it’s just a flat out abuse of the feature: people zoom in and out on their plate of food and upload it to their story. That’s it. Nothing special going on, just zooming in and out on food.
3. The Vista Boomerang. This one’s annoying because it accomplishes something that could just as easily be done in a video: showing the world the shitty view from your apartment building back and forth, over and over again. This one might be the most commonly used by both guys and chicks, so it holds a very special place in my hate-filled heart.
4. The Selfie Boomerang. A lot like the vista Boomerang, the selfie Boomerang is infuriatingly annoying because it’s just unnecessary. Why do you feel the need to take a Boomerang of yourself when the selfie already exists? And it’s one thing if they’re changing their facial expressions in the Boomerang, but a lot of the time people just sit there and smile like any regular old selfie. What’s the fucking point?!?
5. The Awkward Boomerang. This one is hands down the WOAT of all WOAT Boomerangs. The awkward Boomerang sucks because it makes you actually feel uncomfortable when you sit there and watch it. An awkward pose or dance or whatever it is they’re doing, the awkward Boomerang is posted by someone who has absolutely no clue what the hell they’re doing using this app. I feel second-hand, cringey embarrassment whenever I watch an agonizingly awkward Boomerang, and that’s just not fair to me — an innocent bystander seeking a quick dose of entertainment via social media.

And the absolute worst part of all these awful Boomerangs is that regardless of whether they’re entertaining or not, they’re still fucking mesmerizing. That means that every time Becky has her friend take a Boomerang of her awkwardly dancing at a bar, I’ve gotta sit there and watch it over and over again. I have zero choice in the matter. Like I said, there’s just something about these fucking Boomerangs that’s so hypnotizing. If I see one on my phone screen I physically cannot look away.

Enough is enough already. Have some respect for the art of Boomeranging and leave it to the pros like my girl Emily, or really any hot girl for that matter. If we wanted to see your basic bitch ass clinking drinks or eating food at some fancy restaurant, we’d be right there with you — or we’d be there with our friends cooking up a plan on how we can weasel our way into being right there with you.

If your Boomerangs don’t look like this…

do the world a favor, and keep ’em to yourself.

Thanks for reading! If you liked this blog, you also might like a sketch video that I recently made. Check it out below!!