123….456….123….456

I wish I can count myself to sleep but it doesn’t work like that. My mind demands me to stay awake and feel every bit of the sadness inside me. I can’t escape this state of being awake, alive yet empty inside.

I stare at my phone hoping a message will pop up, someone just as awake as I am. Someone who’ll understand how I feel, someone who truly understands. But the night was long and nothing happened, all I can do is murmur words to numb myself. “I’ll be okay..I’ll be fine..Tomorrow will be good,” are the words I utter once in a while just to comfort my breaking heart inside.

Every night goes like this, my bed, pillows and me trying hard to fall asleep maybe for the last time.