Waiting

Just waiting for the sadness to pass. It sits so heavily on my chest . Not always present. More like a visitor or an intruder. Mothers Day. Birthday . Both fall in May for me. Holidays without my spouse. High school and college graduations. The deposit on a dorm room. The fee for cap and gown. How can words on paper bring this heaviness? They remind me you are not here anymore. College essays with mention of what a great mom you were. Again words. Words on papers. It is those moments I am not prepared for.

I should be celebrating all of these holidays and milestones and yet I feel sad. Sit with the sages say. Okay it is my therapist who says that and do what with it? Wait. I wait until it passes. Feels like chemo. I would wait until I didn’t feel so crappy anymore until the next cycle came. Chemo and grief sounds about right.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.