For those who have experienced an unexpected loss.
You wanted closure, didn’t you? You thought that you would be able to move on quicker if you knew why things ended the way they did.
You are feeling horrible about yourself right now. You are wondering what changed in their mind to push you away. You’ve catastrophized every argument, overanalyzed every text message and reminisced heavily to when you both were so happy. That trip in Seattle was perfect — or so that’s how you remember it.
In your eyes the relationship was going so well. …
Some days you wake up for your 6:00AM spin class and some days you wake up next to an empty bottle of Barefoot and a box of Cheez-Its
I volunteer for Big Brothers Big Sisters. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a youth mentorship program. Last week we were asked to draw a picture that represented something difficult that we experienced this summer. My “little sister” drew a picture of her dog, she taught him a few new tricks.
She looked over at my paper, puzzled. I had drawn an axe.
“Why did you draw an axe?” she…
You do not scare me anymore and others should not fear you, either.
I have been afraid of you since I was a little girl. I feared I would feel your wrath if I said your name to someone in public too loudly. I feared my loved ones would be disappointed in me if I talked about you. I feared I would isolate myself if I mentioned you in front of those who did not hear your name frequently. Worst of all, I felt like I was letting myself down if I thought about you.
Truth is, you intimidated me…
The explanation that I’ve wanted to give and you’ve wanted to hear
I would like to start by saying that I knew what I was doing when I hurt you. I don’t hide behind my history of trauma, perceived emotional oblivion or biological behavior. Every bad decision that I’ve made, I have been fully aware of what I was doing. I won’t point fingers.
I have been the girl that has had you wrapped around my finger, pretending the feeling was mutual. I have been the girl that has talked behind your back while swearing to your face that “I…
You’ve been there. I’ve been there. We’ve probably been there together. You have a positive interaction with someone and felt good afterward. Everything seemed to have gone well and you are practically gleaming... then they go radio silent.
Slight, although traumatic obsession sinks in. What did I do wrong? Did I not say the right thing? Did I say too many things? “I” statement after “I” statement populates your brain. You think that you did something wrong to deserve the response (or lack thereof) you received. We seem to jump down the rabbit hole inside our own brains trying to…
Passionate, sarcastic and devastatingly cynical.