ADVICE ON MARRIAGE:
By Pastor E.A. Adeboye (General Overseer of Redeemed Christian Church Of God)
"I want to spend some time talking to the youth and parents on the choice of a life partner, on behavior during the period of courtship. Because I have discovered that ;this is a very a challenging area for youths and even for parents. Some parents that you think will know better, don't even know as much as the youth themselves.So my beloved children please listen to me carefully, I have been married for forty one years so I know what I am talking about.
1. Never chose an unbeliever as your future partner, I mean never, never ever. When you say you will convert him later, that is the most dangerous gamble that you can ever engage in.
James 4v13-15 makes it clear, you don't know tomorrow. Only God knows tomorrow. Oh! He is very nice, only that he is not yet born again. Oh she is a very courteous girl, only she is not yet born again. Don't choose the devil.
But let me tell you the truth my children; if you marry the right person, then heaven have started for you on earth, if you marry the wrong fellow, hell have started for you on earth.I Am praying for all the youth here tonight, you will not marry the wrong fellow in Jesus name.
You are a child for God, you are standing on the rock and somebody is in a miry clay and you say I will pull him up. Let me tell you mathematically you are standing on the rock and somebody is a miry clay, the probability that you will pull him up is fifty, the probability that he will pull you down is also fifty, fifty and if he is stronger than you good bye. Never, don't even think about it, don't choose an unbeliever.
2. Don't choose a baby Christian. He got born again two months ago. You want to marry a [baby]? You don't even know whether his salvation is genuine.
3. I will take a step further and this is for you my daughter[s]; a man is at his best during courtship.
A man is at his best during courtship; You are my sweetie, you are my honey, That is what you are suppose to hear during courtship. Immediately after marriage all his hidden faults comes to the surface. There is a saying; they say love is blind; it is marriage that opens it eyes. That man that is pretending to be an angel," there is nobody like him, he is very generous, very caring, very patient" wait till he gets what he wants.
So if somebody is suppose to be at his best during courtship and during courtship he begins to quarrel with you. You should know straight away that there is no way here. The elders have a saying; they said the eye that will last till the evening, it will not begin to give trouble in the morning. So if you have already entered into a relationship, if you are in courtship and you are already settling two or three quarrels go and pray again. To before warn, is to before harm.
4. When you are going to chose and he/she says is a Christian, he has been born again for three years or more. I beg you chose within the fold. You know why? So that you will be speaking the same spiritual language.
Because born again doesn't mean the same thing everywhere, there are born again robbers, there are born again 419(fraudster). Let me give you an example, some years ago in one of the universities where I go normally to go and teach them and fellowship with the. We declared a fast and then one day one of the "born again lecture" was testifying, he said I have been fasting; I use to smoke 17 cigarettes per day now I smoke only fifteen.
Abraham said in Gen24v1-4, he said to his servant, don't get a wife for my son from among these people, go and get from among my people. Marry within the fold; so you will be speaking the same spiritual language.
5. Now my daughters, whatever a brother may say. Keep yourself pure and holy during courtship. I will tell you why.
(A). there will be plenty of time for sex after marriage.
(B). don't sell yourself cheap. Am a man I am talking to you as a father, men don't have regard for women, when they say let's do it and she says yes. They will say what [is] the difference between this one and a harlot? Hen! but we are going to marry any way, listen to me my daughter, you are not even sure of marriage until the very day, until the pastor says you are husband and wife, you cannot be sure.
(C). Not only that, sin committed during courtship, always hinder prayer after marriage. You sinned during courtship, you got married, problems/challenges comes and then you kneel down to pray and the devil will say "with what mouth are you praying"? Can't you remember this, this and this. Sins committed during courtship will be waiting for you during marriage.
That is not to even mention there is something called AIDS. I saw one advert; it says HIV AIDS never show for face. That beautiful sister, do you know the kind of danger lying under, that brother, do you know what he is carrying. Don't kill yourself.
6. There are some of you who say, well I know how to discern who to marry, and we will just toss a coin. And then you select two sisters and say God, the light complexion one is the head and the black complexion is the tail. So I want to toss the coin, whichever is the two you have chosen for me and you are tossing the coin between a witch and mummy water[mermaid]. Don't do it that way that is not the way God chooses. I pray for you once again, you will not choose the wrong fellow in Jesus name.
7. Now there is something that you have learn[ed] now, I don't know where you learn[ed] it from, you call it dating, it is a way of checking you out, let's go and eat somewhere and I will check you out. How can you be so childish; you are dating me, you want to check me out, and do you think I will be so stupid as to show you my ugly side? How can you be so childish?
We are just dating, we are just seeing ourselves specially, and before you know it you are in the trap of the enemy. Don't check out, pray instead, call to the one who knows all details, call to the one from who m nothing can be hidden. What if we call on him and he didn't answer, I preached a sermon [s]ome fifteen years ago, titled when God is silent. I have told one of my sons to make one thousand copies, so those of you who are youth can get one somehow. Because many a times when you say God is not speaking, God is speaking only it is you that you are not hearing. You don't want to hear, this is the fellow I want [you] to marry, so you are saying if you want to talk say yes. Get the tape it will help you, to know what happen when God is silent.
8. Let me tell you my children, marriage is for keeps. As far as the word of God is concerned, it is only death that can separate them according to roman 7v2-3. But the court can divorce us, it is the court that did its own, God has not done. The word of God says those who God has join together, let no man, no woman, no parent put asunder. Marriage is forever. you are old fashion daddy, after all you’ve been Married for 41 years.
Okay let us assume that divorce is allowed, at least you will agree with me that divorce, destroy your C.V. when they day are you married, single or divorced? If you marked divorce, you signal to your employer; here comes a failure. They may not say so, but the moment they see divorce, they know here is somebody who could not make marriage work. Every marriage has its challenges, but divine love gives victories, Turns every challenge to testimonies. Once you marry, you are married forever until either of you dies.
9. Now let me say a word to those of us who are of marriageable age but are not married. Some of us who thinks we are getting up in age, therefore we should hurry up;
Now let me tell you those of you boys who are of marriageable age who are still checking people up. Let me tell you, time will pass you by, there is an age a man gets to and it is of no longer any consequence.
So let me tell you boys, if you are of marriageable age, you have a good work, don't marry if you don't have a job, job comes before marriage. Those of you who marry, and it is your wife that is feeding you, go and pray again. The bible say two are better than one, you boys go and marry. Bible says if two agrees concerning anything on earth, it will be agreed in heaven. The bible say one will chase a thousand; two will put ten thousand to flight.
As for you girls, who think maybe you are getting on in age, I agree that two are better than one, but believe me honestly, it is better to be single in Christ, than to be married to the agent of the devil. There are some lazy boys out there; no job, nothing, no responsibility and they are looking for girls who will become bread winner for them.
They will sit down at home watching TV, the girl will go and work and you said, once they call you Mrs. No be Miss. Be single and be confident. You never can tell, God may be preserving you for someone special. It will be well with you in Jesus name.
Do you still like me? Because I didn't hear your amen.
Alright If I don't tell you that, nobody else will do so."
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