Is it ok for a mother to let “…the ship sink”?

While scrolling my Instagram feed on New Year’s Eve day, I came across a “Power of Positivity” post. It stated, “Stop being the one who always makes efforts. Relax and let the ship sink.” I paused, chuckled to myself, continued to scroll then went back and read it again and again — each time thinking, can I “let the ship sink in 2023”? Or, let me rephrase it, “Do I dare let the ship sink,”? And, what does “letting the ship sink,” really mean?

I was raised by a strong feminist mother — a single woman who did it all — not by choice but by necessity. And, in my opinion, did so perfectly.

She worked full-time, took care of the house, walked miles to buy groceries and other necessities (we couldn’t afford to buy a car), kept me safe during the war, assumed the role of mother, father and friend, and did it all without missing a beat.

If she saw what my house looks like today, she would have a fit. Hers was immaculate. She ironed all our clothes including pajamas and bedsheets. She cooked three delicious meals a day and entertained friends and neighbors. Every inch of the house was spotless (even under the beds). There were no excuses for not doing something — ever. All of that came at a cost, however.

My mom didn’t have a career, never took a vacation, got her nails done, bought new clothes, went out with friends or to the spa or took anytime to take care of herself. She was always around — all attention on ME, her house and her job.

But, this is not realistic nor is it feasible in 2023. I like the idea of not having to “…always make the effort.” But, the mere thought of letting the ship sink sends shivers down my spine.

So, how could we as professional women, mothers and wives “let the ship sink” without really letting it sink, if you get my drift? After giving it some thought, I believe it comes down to two simple words: Acceptance and Ownership.

Accepting that everything DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT nor should it be.

Accepting that three homecooked meals that most of my family will barely eat is not realistic.

Accepting that ordering a pizza when entertaining guests is acceptable.

Accepting that a little dust won’t hurt anyone.

Accepting that there is more to life than housekeeping.

Accepting that down time is necessary for one’s emotional and physical well-being.

Accepting that letting the ship sink does not mean ignoring my loved one’s emotional needs.

Accepting that taking “Me Time,” is the best thing I could do for my family.

Accepting that my family will be just fine without me managing every aspect of their day.

Letting the “ship sink” also means owning our own lives. It is challenging — sometimes even unfathomable to see or to think beyond the craziness of our day-to-day obligations as mothers and wives, but those days are fleeting. If we lay a strong foundation, then it’s ok to sit back and “let the ship sink,” once in a while and accept that our kids will need to learn how to set sail on their own someday, while we begin to chart a course for the next phase of our life.