Can We Finally Get It Right in the Bedroom?
Is it a wonder why men and women aren’t always getting it right in the bedroom?
Depending on the research you go with, there are 2–11 ways a woman can orgasm. And although it seems less varied for men, there is research suggesting that we haven’t done enough exploration of the male orgasm to understand its complexity.
To further complicate the issue, men are often faced with not knowing if/how a woman orgasm. In the article “Sex Drive: How Do Men and Women Compare” By Richard Sine, the data cited stated that men in a coupled relationship report having an orgasm 75% of the time, whereas women in the relationship report orgasms 26% of the time. And to further muddy the waters, men believed their partners had actually achieved orgasm 45% of the time.
So if he gets off ¾ of the time and she gets off ¼ of the time but he thinks he hit the sweet spot ½ of the time…we have some work to do!
And it isn’t really a surprise that there are different perceptions of the other persons experience, although we may be taught the birds and the bees, it is very rare for men to have the physiology and emotional side of the female sexuality explained to them. Or for a woman to even understand that she is a sexual being and understanding her body and asking for what she wants is ok. As a woman’s orgasm starts in her head, it can be a very elusive goal. And although masturbation is often associated with men, women should be encouraged to do it also. Being comfortable bringing themselves to orgasm can help both parties enjoy the experience that much more.
To add to the layers of separation, sprinkle in societal, cultural, religious and familial beliefs, shame and sexual repression and you have a guaranteed division between knowledge around sex and truly achieving a mutually heightened sexual experience.
We have also used women to sell anything from deodorant to beer idolizing the size 0, big boobed, bombshell model. Only recently has there been a shift in appreciating women of all sizes! In order for a woman to get undressed in front of a new partner, she may have flashes of these mini beauties and think they don’t measure up. In that state of mind, relaxing into a heat filled night of passion may not be as easy as one would think. Furthermore the man may be feeling the pressure of being Don Juan and making sure she climaxes.
We have to do a better job of educating ourselves about sexual pleasure and sexual energy. And to remove societal, religious and family shame from the experience. Sex is an incredible expression of our physical being and when we can truly enjoy the process, it can also be the key for us to reach our creative pinnacle.
For such an important experience, we have done a very poor job of truly expressing its beauty, potential and joys of mutually enjoyable sexual experiences. This is why I absolutely love what I do. As a Mindsex Mentor, I get to work with people to wade through their hang ups and fears to help them increase their intimacy, have more and better sex and to tap into their sexual energy to catapult their success.
Give men the tools to understand a woman’s body. Show him that taking the time to toy with foreplay and connect with her through her mind first, he too can enjoy the finish that much more. And allow women to express themselves as sexual beings without making it a sign she is a slut or lacking female empowerment!
What do you need to learn about sex to heighten your enjoyment? Join me in my private Facebook group Mindsex Mastery to join in the discussion. https://www.facebook.com/groups/deloramindsetmastery/