Got a Busy Mind? Here’s 3 Tips That Might Help
A certain amount of stress and anxiety is normal.
Whether you’re preparing for a presentation at work, going on a first date or need to have a difficult conversation with someone, it’s normal to have a healthy level of concern or anticipation which allows you to plan what you’ll say, and prepare for any contingencies.
For someone suffering with stress or anxiety though, what others consider to be ‘everyday’ activities, can feel too much.
Going to the supermarket, meeting up with friends or managing a period of change at work can consume time and energy, whilst the mind goes spiralling, as I call it, down the plug hole — and it’s dark down there. (I have a whole chapter on this in my book).
Managing a Busy Mind
The mind is designed to think, that’s its job. If it doesn’t have something to do, it will find something to think about. Often our thoughts are concerned with day-to-day life: what you’ll have for dinner and who you’re going to see later on. It might not necessarily lead to significant feelings of anxiety, but even feelings of overwhelm can leave us feeling like we’re on a treadmill that never stops. It’s why many people initially struggle with mindfulness if they’ve been told the aim of meditation is to stop thinking (in fact it’s about taming the mind). Unless you have the serenity of a Tibetan Monk with 20 years of meditation practise under your belt, clearing the mind will feel impossible.
Thankfully, there is another way.
The Good News
It’s not that our brain wants to make life difficult; it’s often trying to protect us based on past experiences. But sometimes we may feel as though it’s working “too hard” to keep us safe.
When we start to feel anxious, are going in to a new situation or being pulled in different directions, our brain might start to think about what we need for safety. It will reference the past to determine the mechanism it used last time we felt unsafe or uncertain — even if it turned out there was no danger at all (and even if that mechanism wasn’t so healthy). It will then do what it’s always done, until we teach it something new.
The brain is also designed to plan and be creative; the problem is it can plan and create all kinds of ‘what if’ scenarios that leave us feeling exhausted.
Thankfully, since the discovery of positive neuroplasticity, we now know our brain can develop new ways of coping, with time and practice. It’s no longer a case of “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”, which means potentially we can learn to consider alternative, more healthy ways to get by when we’re feeling squeezed from all sides.
This might include setting more compassionate goals, or identifying things you know are more helpful when tackling a difficult situation. It might include finding or accessing suitable support and creating a well-being plan that focuses on self-care.
You might decide to leave some space in your diary for after you’ve done an activity you know increases your anxiety or feelings of overwhelm. If you recognise that going out takes its toll on you, then knowing you can rest when you get home if you need, or that you will ‘treat’ yourself to something later — whether it’s a warm bath or just some quiet time — can make all the difference.
Knowing when you’re not ok, and practicing what might help before you become anxious can also help you, when you’re in the thick of it. When you find yourself in these situations, it’s important to know how to manage the moment. You might find it helpful to rehearse what you will do if you feel worry or overwhelm setting in, so that you can get ahead of it.
Here are three more suggestions that might help:
1. Try Self-Soothing
When you feel anxiety rising, or your mind starts swirling, you might take a moment to bring yourself back to centre by teaching yourself to pause and self-soothe. This could include placing your hand gently on your chest, focusing on the breath and repeating a helpful mantra to yourself like “It’s ok”. (If you’ve watched Ted Lasso, you might remember he did an activity like this in one episode, which worked. I wrote about how the show helped the conversation around mental health here).
You might also find my video below useful, for self-soothing using mindfulness.
2. Tune In and Label
Mindfulness isn’t always about meditation, it could be tuning in to your environment — even in the middle of a supermarket — and paying attention to the present moment.
For example, pause for a moment if it’s helpful: what can you see? If you can see a tree, what colour are the leaves? If there is a painting, what colours do you recognise? Describe in your mind what’s happening in your environment right now. What can you hear where you are? Try labelling it in your mind for what it is — sound. If there is a fabric you can touch, how would you describe it? If you might find it useful, use your senses like this to bring yourself into this moment, just as it is. This could help form a type of Emotional First Aid Kit. (You might also like the activities in my self-study Mindful Method Masterclass to help with this).
3. Focus on What You Can Control
When we’re feeling overwhelmed, we might work even harder to try and control the things around us, but this can sometimes turn our attention towards that which we actually have no control over at all. If you find yourself in limbo, it can help to create a ‘Not Knowing Plan’ to help you navigate the period of uncertainty.
Try to keep your attention on the basics as well, making sure you eat and prioritise sleep as much as you can, especially if your current situation is taking its toll.
If you’ve tried these or other ways of coping and nothing’s working, do reach out for help. Create a list of people you feel you can turn to when you need to talk, who will be supportive. Include the Samaritans on 116 123.
Managing a busy mind without help can be exhausting, but you may find over time with help it becomes more manageable. It can be a sign you’ve got a lot going on, so delegate what you can, talk if it helps and find what’s healthy and works for you.
Delphi is the author of Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal out now on Amazon and Hive. You might also like Monday Mojo™: insight, intention and inspiration to your mailbox each week.
©️ Delphi Ellis 2023
