Trapped in Someone Else’s Story

We’ve all had the feeling of being trapped in a story that is not our own. Now you might not put it quite in those words. You might just feel that things are a bit off or that you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. You may even ask yourself like in that Talking Heads song “How did I get here?” It’s a weird feeling of displacement and disillusionment. It may even feel like disimpersonment — a word I just created because there wasn’t one that seemed to fit. I mean a feeling so strong that makes you question your very identity as a person. Like I said, you’re like a disembodied character, trapped in someone else’s story

On the contrary, there seem to be times that you stumble into a story that seems so uniquely you that you can’t help but wonder how you have never been there before. You may even experience some feeling so central to who you are that it feels like some type of reverse deja vu — the feeling that this very moment should have happened before. Like everything about your circumstances finally fit who you are as a person. These are moments that you just want to live in forever. Moments that you can carry around your whole life regardless of how reflective they are of your life as a whole. These are defining moments. Singularly “you” moments.

It can be hard to recognize either of these moments. They may seem obvious in retrospect but in the moment can be confusing and exhilarating. Stories are funny that way. They are mischievous and unpredictable. They can turn on you when you least expect it in both beautiful and terrible ways.

Of course there are some ways that we can control which type of these moments we most experience, but we really don’t have as much control over it as we would like. Literature is full of stories of fate vs will for a reason. It’s an ongoing battle. Sure, we can do our best to remove ourselves from circumstances that don’t feel in tune with who we are or the story we hope to create. We can remove ourselves bad situations and make better choices going forward. We can also be open to and try to facilitate those defining moments of existence. But I’ve found there’s often no way to control them.

In fact, it seems like sometimes when you expect one type of moment, you actually get the exact opposite. Awkward situations turn into lasting memories. Carefully planned extravaganzas fall flat. The story sometimes “blows where it lists” and all you can do is be carried by it.

Of course I’m using the word “story” poetically. “Story” has become something of a buzzword to talk about our lives and it can be a bit confusing. Or at least I’ve been confused by it. A story is not a life and it can be unhelpful to confuse the two. Stories are meant to be told; lives are meant to be lived.

In fact it is sometimes that confusion that can cause some of the feelings I am talking about. We feel trapped in someone else’s story because we see life as a story where we should be the main characters. Or we feel like these defining moments are finally moments in OUR story, when the truth is, it has been our story all along. There are just some really boring, mundane parts to it. And that’s ok, necessary even.

I feel like this is the part where I should sum all of this up. Give some sort of resolution or inspiration based on these ideas. But the truth is I don’t have any. In fact, in many ways I feel like that first person I talked about — the person trapped in someone else’s story. If I’m honest, I’ve felt that way a lot in the past few years.

I don’t have any answers to these feelings. But I’ve often found that it helps me to give voice to them. Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living” and I’ve always thought he had something there. Though the moments that make up our life — our story, if you wish — may not make sense, I often find it helpful to reflect on them. Not too much, because you can get weighed down by the past. But it can help to identify the moments when you felt alive, at peace, or at one with the world around you (damn I sound like a hippie sometimes). It can also help to identity the moments that seem contrary to who you are or who you want to be.

And then? Move forward, I guess. Go toward that next moment to see what it has in store. Make it the best you can. Or at least that’s what I’m trying to do. Actually, that was kind of an inspirational ending. Not too bad.