All* Of Your Deep [ Insert Tech Thing] Questions Answered

*(Seven) Part X In The Series — FAQs About The Future

The ocean. It’s deep. Get it.

What is deep [ ], seriously what is deep [ ], that doesn’t even make any sense, what goes in the brackets?

Ah Timmy, the fruit of my loins, have you learned nothing over the course of ten of these stupid things?

I guess not pops, what am I missing?

Besides a brain, and any chance of success in life, you are forgetting one of the key lessons I thought you would have learned by now.

Wait, I know, is this another hedge?

Good guess Timster but in this case I am afraid the answer is no, mostly. While deep can be deployed as a hedge in the event of a technology bust in its current application it is mostly used as an HMW.

HMW, what the heck is that, like a BMW?

Hah, good one Timinator, that was almost funny. No, it is nothing like a BMW. An HMW is a hype multiplier word. A hype multiplier is a word that is used to increase the hype surrounding any given technology field or topic.

Makes sense I guess, but how exactly does it work, and I am going to need specific examples?

You forget your place son. Never tell me what you need, I tell you what you need, and then I decline to give it to you, understand?

Yes, sir

Good. Now an HMW works sort of like an expansion pack in trivial pursuit. The game has not changed in the slightest but you can ask a shit ton more questions and keep playing when normally you would have gotten bored and quit long ago. If a given technology field is in any danger of losing its high level of hype throwing in some deep offshoots can really invigorate the whole endeavor. For instance, tired of machine learning? Try some deep learning. Sick of AI?, have some deep intelligence, artificial neural networks so last year?, hype it up again with deep artificial neural networks.

Wow, neat, but I went online and looked up the definitions of some of these deep [] things and they seemed legit. For instance, deep intelligence is said to be an AI of human level intelligence while a shallow or regular AI is like what we have today, no common sense, and can’t tell its ass from hole in the ground.

Damn Tim my boy that is the most words I have ever heard you say without crying, shitting you pants, or passing out, or usually more than one of those things. I am impressed, but also freakin pissed. Kid are you dense? Please do not answer that for I will answer for you and the answer is yes, you are dense, denser than a shallow AI. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself a very simple question, if today’s shallow AI is so dumb and has no intelligence to speak of why is called an artificial intelligence? How can anything that lacks common sense be considered intelligent? The much bigger problem is that the general public equates AI with human level intelligence and when the tech boys start blabbing about how their smart phone comes with a built in AI, they start thinking their is a conscious being living inside their Iphone.

So where did the terms deep and shallow intelligence come from?

The same place every HMW does, the fiery pits of hell. Also, some come from Silicon Valley, frankly it is really hard to tell the difference. These terms were dreamed up in a tech company boardroom and simultaneously deployed in academic settings to lend a veneer of legitimacy, when it became clear that actual AI may never be possible. Panic set in and many a professor and tech executive soiled their diapers simultaneously as they realized how quickly their funding sources and cushy jobs would disappear if this inconvenient fact became widely known. A few minutes of “deep” thought (get it) and voila an entirely new genre of AI is born. When questioned their memories stop at the exact moment these new terms were first used.

Why are you so grumpy all the time dad?

Right now it is because I am hungry and Arby’s is closed so I cannot get the beef Gyro and small Mountain Dew that I crave. Usually it is because I have a giant stick up my ass. Combined with my constant hard on for tech hype busting it makes me constantly very uncomfortable.

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