Finally the Degree I Have Been Waiting for My Whole Life

To get ahead in today’s economy you need a degree, and not just any degree will cut it. Any old schlub can go to college at an “accredited institution” and if he’s lucky graduate in four to six years with a useless normal degree. These days who doesn’t have a B.A. or B.S. “degree” in some plain vanilla major? The only thing they’re good for is hanging in your old bedroom in your childhood home. Get used to looking at it because you are going to be living there with mom and dad for a long time Mr. Schlub.

There is a better way, a better option for a brighter future, the nanodegree program in machine learning from UDACITY. You may have heard our motto, At UDACITY u da man. We mean it too. We are the only state sanctioned(1)for profit university(2) in the country offering this highly specialized degree. It combines the single most overhyped, illogically named area of computer “science” (machine learning), with an oldie but goody buzzword from the golden age of biotech (nano) to create the ultimate degree of the future. A degree so cutting edge, so tech focused, so freaking awesome, no employer can possibly resist. In fact we guarantee they will cream their jeans the second they see it on your resume. Soon job offers will be flooding your inbox like the jizz flooding the underwear of the hiring manager lucky enough to review your application.

We know what your thinking. “Hold on a second UDACITY, if someone walked up to me on the street and started talking about a machine learning I would think he was crazy as a loon. The very definition of learning requires the participation of a living being. Moreover, by definition a machine is not alive so combining those two terms is a logical fallacy writ large. Only the moronic or the insane would think to do such a thing and I’m no moron.” We believe you when you tell us you’re not a moron and rest assured we don’t do freaks at UDACITY. Luckily definitions are for pussies and so last year. Who needs to know what words or terms “mean” these days? We have computers and smart phones to tell us how to think and what does or doesn’t make sense. At UDACITY we say fuck sense and logic if Elon Musk says a machine can learn than by God a machine can fucking learn.

We could have stopped there, probably should have, but UDACITY always pushes the envelope especially if there is a buck to be made. With that in mind we are proud to introduce machine learning nanodegree plus, our latest diploma mill paper weight and most cutting edge offering to date. With machine learning nanodegree plus you get all of the advantages of the standard machine learning nanodegree plus it costs an extra $3000. Enrollment for both programs begins next week and is first come first serve. We only have enough space for 175 lucky students so you had better hurry. Be one of the first 50 to enroll and get a free UDACITY coffee mug and tote bag. Visit our website frequently as we have a number of new degree programs already in the planning stages for next year. Specifically for you bio nerds we will be offering degrees in sociobiomics, astrolbiomics, ethnobiomics, anthrobiomics, quantumbiomics, cosmobiomics, microeconobiomics, and macroeconobiomics.

(1)Sanctioning provided by the Nevada state boxing commission

(2)Not technically a university but close enough