Usually instead of saying “I am turned on by that woman,” a man will say “that woman is hot.” The first phrasing places the locus of control within his own body (aka, in a way, making it “his fault” if he gets turned on), the second phrasing places the locus of control within the woman’s body(making it “her fault” if he gets turned on.) And, he will be inclined to do the second because it absolves him of responsibility for his sexual feelings. The narrative that is most comfortable for straight men is that some super beautiful woman appeared out of the blue and basically made him get horny, and zomg she was SO HOT it totally wasn’t his fault.
Be wary of men who love Stoic philosophy.
Hey Francesca

I totally get this and I agree. What bothers me is the entire subtext of the argument which implies that sexual feelings (getting turned on as the author puts it) of any kind are wrong in and of themselves. That they are a bad thing no matter the source. I think it is without question the source clearly lies in the desirer not the desired but the desirer should not be made to feel ashamed for their feelings. Not to excuse but perhaps men would be less quick to lay the responsibility for their feelings on another if they were not shamed for having them. This is a subtle piece of shaming no doubt but I certainly felt it and I have little doubt other men would too. Better to recognize that desire is a natural emotional state and that it must be managed like any other. The worst way to manage ones emotions is to blame them on other people or outside forces beyond our control. If we are ashamed of how we feel we are much more quick to try this blame shifting because we feel guilty about how we feel and dont want it to be our own “fault.” Accepting ones feelings as natural, normal, healthy even makes it much more likely we will react to them in a healthy way.

It is a good point and one that needs to be made but there has to be a better way then the one chosen by Miss Lindsay in the piece you quote.

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