The Adventures of Ucaca Wa and Uranus Yoda
One Possible Future
Ever since I befriended my most loyal followers Ucaca Wa and Uranus Yoda my life has really taken a turn for the better. I was finally able to move out of my parents house and get my own place and I am no longer driving my mom’s Honda Fit, it’s now my Honda Fit. Cool, right? To celebrate my good fortune I decided to invite Ucaca, or Ukie as I call him and Uranus over for dinner.
It was no easy task locating those two rapscallions you better believe. I had no idea there were that many Uranus’s in the global phone directory (dont forget this is the future so weird stuff like that will pop up from time to time when I need a convenient plot device or am bored) and apparently Ucaca is the number two most common name in Djibouti, the East African nation state where I finally tracked him down. For a brief time I thought Uranus was in Djibouti as well but that turned out to be false, Uranus was not in Djibouti. Eventually I had them both located and quickly dispatched my telo-bot AI Johnny Pneumonny to pick them up for a meet and greet. I probably should have asked them both how they felt about it before Jon-bot snatched the off the street and brought them straight to the waiting embrace of my Honda Fit’s surprisingly small and uncomfortable back seat. Once they woke up from the knock out gas, learned who I was, and a bunch of other shit happened we became fast friends almost immediately.
I am just so darned excited about this upcoming dinner. I can’t wait to say hello to Ukie with my famous Waaaaaaaaaaa’s uuuuuuuup! greeting, the one where I say his last name and the word up together but all stretched out and crazy like with my tongue sticking out and wagging my finger. Its based on that beer commercial from back in the old days, the one that everyone thought was kind of funny or not bad the first time they saw it but then each time after it got worse and worse and worse until it became like a living hell to even get up in the morning for fear that you might be exposed to that commercial or persons who still liked it and thought it was funny. I think it might have been Budweiser. Doesn’t matter I don’t drink beer, beer is for ladies men and babies, vodka butt chugging or nothing for me. Speaking of butt-chugging there is this really great new bar/restaurant in the future called Butt-chuggers. I know it sounds weird but hear me out it’s just like a regular bar or restaurant except all of the drinks and food are served anally instead of orally. Neat-o right? I especially like to get Ukie with the ole Wa’s up early in the a.m. when he first opens his eyes. It has a double meaning then which is pretty cool.
And that Uranus Yoda is one hell of a guy too. After I say Wa’s up to Ukie I am going to grab little Yoda man and throw him up on my back for our customary walk around the neighborhood. For some reason he really wants to be up on my back and it never fails but as soon as he gets up there he starts spouting off all kinds of like philosophy shit, deep stuff, it’s way deep, like do or don’t do there is no try deep. Last time I saw Uranus though he was raw and red and itchy, gross really. Itchy and red is not a good look for Uranus. I guess he had been spending too much time out in the sun or something, or not enough time, I don’t know something I didn’t understand some doctor told him. Uranus has more doctors than any person I know. He says he is sick a lot but I think Uranus just likes doctors fingering him which is a kind of sick so I guess you could say he is sick a lot. Did I mention that Uranus has one eye, one brown eye. It is kind of odd but I guess his other eye never developed in the womb so he just has one eye and it is brown.
Yep it is gonna be one fun dinner all right. I just need to remember to keep Ukie away from Uranus. Ukie rubs Uranus the wrong way. What a great future we live in, which is actually the present, from my perspective in the past, or something like that.