No Vigina Needed

Written by Nazhah Khawaja

There seems to be a bit of confusion amongst homo sapiens, specifically the ones walking around with that special Y chromosome. They are under some sort of misguided delusion that ‘vagina’ is the main ingredient needed to cook, i.e. to stand in the kitchen with ladle in hand and pot on stove containing meats (if wanted), veggies (when needed), and spices (as required). I am not sure how this dogmatic rumor has spread, I am also unaware of its origin. Nevertheless, I am here to set the facts straight. I am committed to helping the other, unique half of our species discover how they have, singlehandedly, limited their own personal extension of creative culinary ability by believing such nonsense.

Firstly, I am heavily inclined to say that the complicated birth of this message took place in the South Asian region. I should admit, it’s possible that I am biased towards making this claim because of my experience with at least a couple generations of men from this area of the world. Bear with me, as I have thought this through. This region has been argued to be the most densely populated region of the world. This definitely substantiates my claim, as many people are needed to spread and keep a rumor alive for nearly a century. Upon further investigation, I discovered that the hot semi-arid climate of the Indian subcontinent serves as a breeding ground for bacteria and mold. It is no coincidence that rampant bacterial infections have engulfed the sensible minds of otherwise healthy men and mold has formed a crust around the region of the brain responsible for reasoning. Let’s not forget the inability for neighboring countries in this region to actually get along. Decades long feuds over cultural superiority, religious right and border debates create a sense of puerile backwardness among the population. It is no surprise that this backwardness has entered the domestic realm debarring human males from stepping foot into the kitchen.

Now that we have established the regional context of this jumbled fabrication, I would like to begin the objective approach to why a vagina isn’t needed to cook. Let’s start with the basics. The appendage that is used most often in the act of cooking is the arm, including hand and fingers. At times, both arms are used simultaneously to quicken the sizzling process. The vagina is not part of the list of appendages required to stir, shake, or brew. Also, depending on where you reside in the world, the stove is usually located at or above waist-level. The physiological nature of this organ demystifies this false deposition that a vagina is needed to prepare a meal. Many people use the non-working woman, or stay-at-home moms as buffers to their argument, swearing by their vaginalized claims because the female sheath is located near the kitchen most of the day. What I have to say to this is that physical location of a vagina at any given moment throughout the day does not constitute reason enough for its need in any catering process.

Alright, let’s get serious and expunge tainted, Andric mentalities. It’s my educated opinion that the dilemma in gender equality has less to do with women being allowed to do what men do, than it does men partaking in historically categorized female roles. The crux of the matter is gender role equality, with men not wanting to share equal responsibility in the home. Domestic duties need to have less affiliation with female counterparts as the workforce has less to do with men running the scene. What are domestic duties, you ask? It’s an all-inclusive category-not limited to groceries, cleaning, laundry, cooking, dishes, and dusting. If there are kids in the picture, parenting duties should be shared-feeding, diapering, bathing, and the most important one in a household with kids, playing. Guys, do yourself and the twenty-first centurians a favor, drop the ego and let live, cheek by jowl. Do not run, hide and try to get out of these duties when a vagina is near. This gender issue is a hang-up; I do not understand why we are still discussing this topic in the year 2016. I have a better idea. Let’s get busy exploring the 96% of space’s undiscovered properties instead wasting mental and physical energy categorizing male vs. female duties and responsibilities. ​

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