I am not as prolific as you and I want to give you some of my thoughts, for what they are worth.
- I rarely look at YouTube. I am not a Millenial and television-watching has never been much of an enjoyable exercise for me, so the chances of my watching yours are almost zero. No biggie. I would rather read your words than watch TV; to me, that is what YouTube is. Valuable, but not something I choose to do very often. (More about that in #2)
- I neither consider myself nor have I ever wanted to be “A Writer,” though I love to write. There is a difference in mindset. I do it for me; if someone else reads my words, that is rewarding. I neither have nor need thousands of followers to be rewarded. But I do transcribe web talks presented by members of my religion — I am a Bahá’í — which puts me on YouTube for some number of hours after an episode. I am in the process of doing one now, as I write this, but need a break; transcribing a YouTube talk is tiresome. (Try it some time…)
In my view, one must overcome obstacles no matter what endeavor one undertakes. I bet in your design work, I bet there are days you just do not want to design or improve or ‘fix’ or anything. You would rather be watching birds, taking a shower, spending time with friends, and so on. So it is with writing.
You are good and it sounds like you have motivation. Keep at it, but only if it excites you as it sounds like it still does. Yes, there will be frustrations. Sure, from time to time you will want to hold your keyboard underwater until it stops speaking to you. Absolutely, you will want to tune out and look the other way now and then. I think we all do, no matter what we do, writer or not. Whether we do or not depends on the circumstances. I call that “taking a vacation.” We take vacations from paid work and then we get back to it, right?
I have read “On Writing” by Stephen King, a pretty prolific writer in his own right, and learned he, too, has the same moments. One might not expect the author of 50+ books, all of which landed on The New York Times Bestseller list to have any trouble writing. But he does. And he has learned to recognize them and deal with them. I bet all writers do.
Then again, I am not “A Writer” nor I am an expert or psychologist, so none of this might apply to you or anyone reading. For me, writing must remain fun. I must gain a reward of some kind or it turns into a job.
And I am retired. I will never do a job again.