Its the beginning of You and I
Most of us struggle to own up when its time to let go of an unhealthy relationship.
Well I can say I am guilty of doing just that.
My relationship in the 1st year was amazing; But really what relationship doesn’t start off that way?!…..
As things got more serious the signs were clear that it was time to Exit.
(Get out While you Can)
It was also obvious to my family and friends that it wasn’t a healthy relationship and advised me to break it off.
I felt like people didn’t understand it wasn’t that easy!
Leaving meant having to leave all the work, sweat, and tears I put into it and accept that it wasn’t fixable.
It’s also meant I had to start my life all over again but this time ALONE.
I didn’t want to be alone, I don’t think anyone truly wants to be alone. Even if it means sleeping with the enemy; at least I wasn’t alone.
So I Stood, like so many of us do.
Between a rock and a hard place.
Years went by and I hit rock bottom.
I wore out emotionally, physically, and mentally. I couldn’t take it anymore; My Soul couldn’t take it anymore!
I felt like every fiber in my body could no longer withhold anymore of the abuse. I had to get out and get out for good this time. So I did.
I felt free in the beginning but again there were times I was really scared.
Scared of myself really, scared that I would end up convincing myself to go back just so I didn't have to deal with being alone.
REALITY CHECK → I really wasn’t alone……
As human beings we want that fairy tail relationship, we want someone that will always be by our side, who wont disappoint us, who will support us in everything we do, love us unconditionally, and over all have the comfort in knowing we have that person to depend on for everything.
Well, thats where the problem lies………. Humans are incapable of being perfect! So in all reality we are setting ourselves up for complete disappointments.
“So…. if what I am looking for is unrealistic….. then how am I going to ever feel whole, satisfied, and complete?”
Now I am self reflecting and soul searching trying to fill this deep feeling of emptiness.
Day in and day out I felt Empty, Broken, Lost, Confused, and Frustrated.
Finally enough was enough; this world left me nothing but disappointments, backstabbers, un-loyal, and wicked people.
So I went back to the one thing I knew wouldn’t disappoint me.
Growing up, I always believed in God and the son Jesus Christ; but as a teen I steered away from that path.
I admit that I got caught up in the world and I never fully surrendered myself to the Lord. But it didn’t stop me from still loving Him just as much as I did as a child. I just unfortunately had other things I felt at that time were more important.
I finally wanted to submit myself to the Lord again. I would pray here and there; and my faith was there but it was like I had one foot in the spiritual roam and the other in the World.
Its was like oil and water.
I didn't understand why it was so hard for me to let go of these bad habits?………. I wanted to do right by God so badly but I couldn’t seem to find how too.
I then understood; I was back in an unhealthy relationship but this time not with a person.
→ It was with the WORLD and all the bad habits that came along with it….. and it was up to me to decide what I wanted.
So what did I really want?!……
I wanted to be freed, I wanted to break those shackles that kept me bounded for so long in my past hurt, brokenness, emptiness, and in order to do so I had to fully surrender myself and let the Lord do his work in me.
Matthew Henry Commentary
“The only relief under it is, to look to Christ, who bore it. Whatever it is that thou desirest God should give thee, leave it to him to give it in his own way and time. Care is a burden, it makes the heart stoop. We must commit our ways and works to the Lord; let him do as seemeth him good, and let us be satisfied. To cast our burden upon God, is to rest upon his providence and promise. And if we do so, he will carry us in the arms of his power, as a nurse carries a child; and will strengthen our spirits by his Spirit, so that they shall sustain the trial. He will never suffer the righteous to be moved; to be so shaken by any troubles, as to quit their duty to God, or their comfort in him. He will not suffer them to be utterly cast down. He, who bore the burden of our sorrows, desires us to leave to him to bear the burden of our cares, that, as he knows what is best for us, he may provide it accordingly.”
We sometimes need to learn to let go of the wheel and let God direct us in our journey.
I am very thankful for my support system; these amazing people that have been hand picked by God to assist me in my journey. They patiently helped , guided me and helped me open myself up again spiritually.
Throughout this journey Ive had to face many uncomfortable things from my past in order to fully be able to move forward and Walk in Love.
People I feared,
Anger I still held deep down in my heart towards others,
It by far was one very emotional rollercoaster; but through it all I was able to get understanding.
I was able to understand the purpose of it all.
I once felt so alone, I felt no one loved me, I felt worthless.
I realized now that those were all lies, I wasn't alone, I was loved and loved by many.
He loved me before anyone else ever did, He loved me while I was still broken and had no self love or worth, He was always there watching over me day in and day out even when I it wasn’t my best days. He was still there patiently waiting for me to go back to him.
He never gave up on me!
I thought to myself “What have I ever done right in my life to deserve such a loving & gentle Father? And why did it take me so long…… so long to realize I needed “You” back in my life? I know better now.
I am not perfect, and I still make mistakes however I know now that I am nothing if I do not put Him first. So I always make sure to do so every single day.
I can say I finally have Peace living in my heart, mind and soul.
God is above everything so who shall I fear? No one!
I love you Lord!
Thank you for all you have done for me, my family and friends. I hope that others can get to experience You & Your LOVE like I do.