“Your health? The first verse in John 14 talks about you not letting me feel troubled. He said that there is peace. Do not be afraid, do not let your heart worry. Don’t you know that God’s hand is always upon you? Upon every part of your body that is being tested by the enemy. This is your 3rd year to have to go under that cold operating table. So what? Your God is mightier than any kind of illness. Your God will save and protect you from any kind of infirmity. Believe in that. Have faith in His promise. He. Will. Take. Care. Of. You.

“Your life plans? Don’t you know that the plan you were about to pursue this year didn’t pull through because God had other plans for you first? Proverbs 16:9 says that you may have your ways, you may have your desires, but God has other plans for you. Even before you had that bright idea in your head, He has already made the path clear for you. I know you’re disappointed with what happened to your plan, but God knows your heart. He wants you to succeed and prosper. He will make everything fall into place in His time. Hold His hand, declare that His plans will make you victorious.”

“That guy who broke your heart and didn’t care whether you were dead or alive last year? Really? Do I have to lecture you on this one? You’re a determined little girl, but Den, you can be so stubborn. Let him go, already. You said it yourself, he will never be worth it. So what’s the problem? God is binding up your wounds and yet you can’t keep still. If you would just sit tight and let Him heal you, you wouldn’t be so stuck in this rut you’re in. Love is supposed to endure all things. It’s not supposed to make you suffer. This ‘love’ you had for him? It’s doing more than making you suffer. It’s stealing the love that you’re supposed to give to the right one. Be brave, Den. Take a deep breath, hold on tight to the railings of your life… and let him go.

“But he found a new one already. It’s so unfair. Whatever happened to his convictions about putting priorities in order?”

“Who cares? His convictions may have been true during the time he let you go but a wavering heart like that? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who changes his mind on and off and claims to have convictions yet he breaks them months later?”

“Good point.”

“Now, let’s go to that new problem you got yourself into. That other heartbreak you’re worrying about. Tough love, kid. You need to let that crush of yours go.”

“Wait, what?

“You’ve always been told over and over again. Do not awaken love until it so desires. You kept poking and now look what it’s done to you. That guy is great. I agree. But you have to let him go. He’s got a lot more going on in his mind and heart than anyone will ever know. And so do you.”

“He’s not ready. And so are you.”

“But if I turn back now, I will never return.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you all too well, heart. Once you’ve had enough, you never go back no matter how much people apologize or beg. On rare occasions, you might turn to look, but you’re never going to be whole for them ever again. You never will be.”

“Yes, that is true. That is why I’m saying that you have to turn back now, before you‘ve already had enough of everything. I am just your heart. I will never know if your third operation will be a complete success, or if that guy will ever be truly sorry for everything he did to you, or if your life plans will continue next year. I don’t even know if this guy you like will turn around and sincerely look at you. What I do know is that I will always be here to talk you out of the bad feelings you keep on pushing me to feel…”

Then in that moment when I was really crying, God spoke to my heart and me.

“You’ve been disappointed way too many times and I know you’re looking for a way out. The times when you made plans, but they back out at the last minute just in time when you’ve already finished getting into the clothes you planned the night before, the times when you patiently waited for a text that never came and left you feeling cheated, the moments when you feel like everyone is talking behind your back, the times when you thought that friends were there for you but they weren’t, the times when you thought family will always be family but turns out that it isn’t always the case… I understand it’s difficult. But I endured everything when I died for you on that cross. So I need you to endure it, too. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. You may not see it right now, but trust in Me. I knew you even before you came out of your mother’s womb. My plans for You will never fail and I will never leave you. Have faith in Me, Den. Have faith.”

And then there was silence after that long and hard conversation.

I know what I have to do.