Won’t Somebody Think of the Young White Progressives?

I know, sweet Young White Progressive, it really sucks to vote for a President that you’re not passionate about. Voting for the “lesser of two evils”, as it’s commonly called. It may shock you to find that Black people have been doing it since…well, since your ancestors finally allowed us to vote! Believe it or not, for many Black people our current President was the first time we truly felt like we were voting in our best interest. Most of the time we’re just voting for the person who least reminds us of a slave catcher, so this year’s election is just a return to form.

You know what’s amazing, my darling YWP? Somehow, for all of these decades LGBTQI people have managed to slog to the polls and vote for the person who was simply the least likely to take away the rights that they had already fought for and won. But this election cycle will be the first one where LGBTQI people won’t have to vote for someone who treats their basic human rights like a collection of “controversial” bargaining chips to be cashed in after the election is won.

Should these groups have had to vote, not in their best interest, but for the lesser of two evils? Of course not! This is not what democracy is supposed to be. But this is our lot in life, because we are poor, we are Black, we are immigrants, we are not the chosen religion or gender or sexuality of this country. And we now have to sit silently and listen to you special snowflake YWPs whine about the revolution that never was and pledge your vote to other nothing candidates who also don’t give a fuck about us.

You know how I knew that Bernie’s “revolution” wasn’t going to happen? Because Bernie Sanders is an old, rich, white man. He may be the nicest, most progressive old rich white man to ever grace the planet, but he is still exactly that and anyone who thinks that a “revolution” is going to come from that demographic needs to Google what the fuck a revolution actually is.

But really? You don’t want a revolution, my dear YWP. You want your privilege back. You grew up upper middle class, went to college, maybe graduate school, and then the economy went to shit and you couldn’t get that cushy feel-good job that you thought you deserved. Your marker for success suddenly stripped away and now you have to work the same service jobs that got you through college for longer than you thought you would. It’s almost like the only people whose privilege you’re capable of seeing are the few who are more privileged than yourself!

I’m reminded of Occupy Wall Street. But instead of diving down that unwashed wormhole, instead let’s talk about these 3rd party candidates. You might notice that I’ve only mentioned the election in terms of two parties: Democrats and Republicans. Hillary and Trump. Donkeys and Elephants. Sorry, rule of threes. Anyway, I only mentioned the blue and the red because they are the only candidates that have a snowball’s chance inside the devil’s dick armor of winning the presidency.

I have one question for you: why have the fools in the Tea Party been so much more successful in getting their candidates elected to office than the Green and Libertarian parties? Gary Johnson was Governor of New Mexico, but he was a Republican then. Out of the five positions Jill Stein has run for in Massachusetts, she has only won one, as the Town of Lexington Town Meeting Representative. Why do I only hear from these assholes every four years? Do they actually want the Presidency? Do they organize in Black and Latino neighborhoods, two demographics that they could conceivably steal from the Democrats to bolster their numbers and become real election contenders, or are they too afraid of us?

Wait. I’m sorry. I said I had one question for you. That was, like, four. Here’s a single summary question: What will you say to your Black/Latino/LGBTQI/Muslim/female friends (haha, if you have any!) who are legitimately in fear of a Trump Presidency, if your 3rd party vote manages to pull your state’s electoral vote in his direction? “Blame the Democrats for not giving me the candidate I wanted!” “Well, that’s how democracy works!” “Sorry your cousin’s getting deported, but at least my precious little vote counted…for something?” “At least I don’t have to suffer through Hillary giving…deals to Wall Street…people!”

And how, exactly, will you suffer YWPs? Do you think you’re going to lose some sort of freedom if Hillary becomes President? Because if Trump becomes President, undocumented Latino immigrants face lose their livelihoods, homes, and being separated from their children. Muslims face being banned from the US. This country faces economic ruin. LGBTQI people face the elimination of anti-discrimination laws. Women face all of these things (because there are women in all of these groups, duh), plus the violation of our bodies by people who think that we should deliver babies that we don’t want. That is how we will suffer. Because we are always the ones who suffer the worst when this country heads into the shitter.

The reality is that you will be just as privileged, protected, and self-absorbed as you have always been. This country revolves around you; you are it’s favored children. And you were not made for a revolution.