The Importance of Spiritual Partnership

Having a companion on this journey

Denise Thong
Nov 4 · 4 min read

Introduction

I am a lonely person. Somehow, I have reached a state in my spiritual and intellectual journey where I find it hard to connect with anyone else.

I am always afraid that if I shared too much about my thoughts and convictions, people would be frightened away. They might think that I am crazy. Hence, I reserve my thoughts to this blog and hope that my classmates and colleagues never stumble upon it.

The rest of the life, I live like an undercover, trying my best to not expose my beliefs; Trying to appear normal and agreeable. So far, I have done quite a good job. I am especially gifted in playing up my sins, which I have a lot and using that to mask my love for virtue.

At this point of my life, I sort of pine for some form of spiritual companionship. I consider Saints like St. Teresa of Avila and St. Peter of Alcantra as well St. Francis of Assisi and St. Claire; And of course not forgetting Mother Mary and St. Elizabeth (sharing their gestational joys). Also, in the field of literature we have Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee.

How I desire to have someone to walk with me on this lonely spiritual journey; Someone whom I can be completely transparent to about my beliefs and not be put down or shamed; That would make my soul very happy.


Pregnancy

When I was pregnant with my first child, it coincided with my best friend’s pregnancy. In fact, our sons were born hours apart in the same hospital. I recalled my friend taking the lift up to my ward hours after her C-section and lovingly teaching me how to nurse my son. It was a beautiful experience.

During the pregnancy, we spent hours talking about babies and delivery anxiety. It was amazing and we both felt supported. We were on the journey together.

Up till today, when never I meditate on the second joyful mystery (the visiting of Elizabeth), I bring to mind that 9 months of pregnancy I had with my best friend.

That sort of helped me to imagine how Mother Mary and St. Elizabeth must have felt in each other’s company during the gestational period. One was impregnated in old age and other impregnated by the Holy Spirit. Both were so to speak, having ‘miracle babies’. They must felt so blessed and a little frightened as well; perhaps even a little filled with doubt — Will there be a successful delivery? Will we really have two healthy babies?

Well, that was certainly what I was thinking when I had my first son — Afterall, I do have autoimmune disorder that puts me at higher risk of miscarriage than the general population.

But because I had my best friend with me on the same journey, I felt OK. The journey was bearable.

Which brings to mind the angel’s command to Mary at the annunciation — to hurry and visit her cousin Elizabeth who is also pregnant. Yes, I believe she was called to go and assist Elizabeth physically but also spiritually. Having a spiritual partner in an emotionally vulnerable time probably did both of them wonders; Much like it did my best friend and I.


Spiritual Partnership

St. Teresa of Avila, mentioned several times in her writing how grateful she was to find a spiritual partner — one who has experienced the same spiritual things as she did. And when she found one — in St. Peter of Alcantra, she was enormously consoled. And when he died, she was greatly saddened, though later consoled when she saw him in his glorified form. In a way, I do long for a spiritual friend as well. You have to understand my current circumstances.

My husband is a non-believer and I am being shamed at home for saying Grace with my son before meals. We have a little toddler bible at home which I try to read to my son every night but on some nights, my husband takes offence in that.

Whenever I try to give alms to the poor, my mum (or her voice in my head) would always be there to remind me of how poor I am myself.

Whenever I try to provide a listening ear to others, more often than not, I am being discouraged from doing so — either criticised for having so many problems of my own, being untrained or told in a caring way to ‘take care of myself first’. This can be quite saddening considering that I have already completed my graduate certificate of counselling and should at least be able to provide emotional support to all.

Due to all these factors, I have resorted to quietly slipping money to the poor, to saying my prayers in the dark and to helping others as surreptitiously as I can. I am also careful not to share my pains with others for fear that they would refuse my help/love once they knew that I myself am hurting.

It is a lonely way of existing and sometimes I do crave for just one Catholic friend to journey with me. But it is difficult to find a spiritual partner. It truly is. Even amongst the Catholic circle, there is so much infighting and backbiting. I find myself having to live as an undercover even amongst Catholics — and that is to say the least, exhausting.


Conclusion

Spiritual partnership is important and since I do not have one, I take great comfort in my reading/video watching. I find like minded souls such as St. Teresa of Avila, Fr. Robert Barron and the latest — Dr. Jordan Peterson.

Reading their materials and watching their videos have made me feel a lot less lonely.

If you have time, do say a prayer for them and for me — perhaps one day, if God wills it, I will have a good spiritual partner too.

God Bless!

Denise Thong

Written by

Writer in Christianity and Morality

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