Poetry: second draft

Jealousy

Jealousy just let me breathe

Stop crushing my chest with your heavy hands

And starving me of breath

Jealousy just let me think

Parasitic you live;

My neuroplasm, your delicacy

Jealousy just let me be

Why cannot I smile without thinking of my teeth?

And why cannot I cry without your teeth in my brain?

Jealousy just let me breathe

For a moment may it be

Just let me breathe

Contact

Forced, by elimination

One last place to rest my legs

And save them, or be thrown overboard

By the Violent waves of asphalt

And so I sit, and pretend to be fascinated

By the unlit street lights that blur by

While I adjust my body

Robotically every second

As a model in a photo shoot

And, as when you see a lost lover

Avoiding contact.

Sad Sun

The sun is almost a postcard today

Nothing to be worried about

So maybe that is why I worry so much

So scared I will waste another day

Why do I not smile?

Everyone seems content today

The rain from yesterday softly painted on the asphalt

Fading gently into the sky

While I try not to pour out all over the black tar

But the sun looks nice today

Politely smiling to me

maybe I will say hi to him tomorrow

After I fix these concrete cracks

Hiding under my skin

Yet he seems too far now

Yes, Maybe tomorrow

White Linen

White linen

Ripped and stained

Pulled by fire

Pushed by the wind

A beautiful blanket

Ceasing,

Colors escaping

Skin showing

White linen

Slipping from the bed

Mother

I am too young to apologize

And too old to ask for forgiveness

Where would I be without you?

My hands would not shake,

My heart would not beat

The wind would not blow as fierce

but the breeze would not come as warm

For you are the sun to the earth

And the light to the room

Selfless and stern

Like the rocks that hold the sea

Lost, I would be without you

Confidence

Fleeting and finite it comes

Like a hummingbird finding food

Brought upon by a deep desire for attention

And beckoned

Like a baby bird

Gentle, but desperate

A temporary content

Dangerous, but effortless

Powerful, but meaningless

Like words repeated

Like words repeated

Death #1

Take my hand

And guide me home

For I am a lost boy

In a supermarket isle

Helpless

Weak and vulnerable

I want you

I need you

Free my body from my mind

Oh death kiss the life out of me

And carry me home

Death #2

Cut off my arm if you want my hand

Rip my breath out of me and I will find more

I bid you not to drink my life straight

For I will not go down easy

You do not exist without me

Do not tempt fate

You will not get me

For death I will win this fight

Death #3

Where were you when I needed you most

I tried so hard to hold you but you pushed me away

I tried to escape, but now I am trapped

Arrested by life, held a hostage

Darkness came, but you were not there

Then light burned through like ulcer in the stomach

And now I feel worse, holding the hand of my mother

In this hospital bed.

Clouds

Never do I feel more vulnerable

Than when I see you

Your voice so soft

Drawing me in like the sun lifts oceans

Stealing my mind and muscles

Making me weak, giving me strength

The way our bodies fit together

Like water to a bottle

Please soft couch,

Do not tempt me

Happiness

Happiness

Should I ride it like a wave?

Or just wave as it passes by

Is it a state of mind, a choice ?

Is extreme happiness just a chemical imbalance,

As with extreme sadness and if so

Is it curable

Because why condemn those who want to die

But not those who want to live forever.

Too happy with their life

How do you hold happiness?

If you’ve never held anything so heavy

Red Squirrel

Run, red squirrel, run

You thief in the day

You pirate of the dead leaves

Claustrophobic you seem, in this open world

Desperately running for your life

Who is chasing you, Red Squirrel?

A flash of red

Gone

Still, I hear you.

What are you plotting Red Squirrel?

You are no threat to me

So run, red squirrel, run

Time is ticking

Skeleton

But when she left

he realized how weak he was

Like rain to the wind,

Or rocks to the rain

She was his bark

And his roots

His shore and his shelter,

Skin and bones he was

Without her

But with her

He grew strength;

Muscles to his bones

And skin to his muscles

But skin keeps secrets

And muscles weigh you down

So he left to be free

With the dogs and the dirt

And found a home

In the mud in the earth

Day Dreams

There you sit

Beside me in the empty chair

Lighting up the room

And here we kiss

As I sit alone on this park bench

Hiding a smile

And here we laugh

As we make dinner in second-hand aprons

All while I dance alone in the kitchen

Sunday Cigarettes

I sit alone in our old apartment

Playing records that we used to play

Cat hair littered on the second-hand carpet

And art that smells like cigarettes

Tiny kitchen with ripped wallpaper

Cupboards holding ten cent cups

Corded phone by a newspaper

A stove that’s older than both of us.

Staring out our blue sky window

White window paint cracked below

City life moving so fast

But the world up here seems so slow

I sit alone in our old apartment

Smoking Sunday cigarettes

I sit alone in our old apartment,

The nicest room in my lonely head

Stories

I thought of you

When I fell off my skateboard

The cuts on my knees

Ink to the pen

I thought of you

As the leaves began to paint the asphalt

As they fell patiently

And I fell hard

And I saw you

Walk past me with the breeze

A comet burning in my atmosphere

And I thought of me

How pathetic I was

Compared to you

And how delusional I was

To think that you

Would ever think of me

Those flowers

I wish I bought her those flowers

That hang decrepit on her wall

Begging the floorboards

For that kiss of death

And I wish I wrote her that song

That she used to slow dance to

With gravity in her arms

And the world in her eyes

And I wish she would just look at me,

Like she does behind my eyes

And just kiss me now

Or slap me when I kiss her

Because I have become those flowers

And I have become that song

Desperately trying to linger

Like smoke from a fire,

That never even started

Waves

The air is fresh and pleasant

Like a sunny coffee shop

On a Saturday morning

Rolling waves serenade the soft sand

Then rejoice at my bare feet

Behind me the grass is slow dancing

with the soft breeze

I run into the water and disappear

Into the waves

Then emerge

And laugh with the sun

Once again, I am born